Based on your posts you are overthinking it. It may sound harsh but it sounds a little bit like some incel-speak with a different twist. Your sexual fanatsies are just that, fantasies. It’s hard to fit in with the crowd but you don’t have to do it often to find someone.
emacs.ch ended like that and fosstodon also had it’s fair share
I just wish there wasn’t so much sectarianism on fedi. Or maybe it’s a good thing that this kind of social dynamic is possible in online world. I don’t really know. What I do know is that it’s rather annoying to see the instance admin being labeled as reactionary because someone dug up something from five years ago and decided to start a FUD campaing.
going after small internet sites would mean we have slipped deep into authoritarian rule