My mother regularly beat me, yelled at me and told me she wished I’d been aborted.
Noone believed me because to outsiders she was the perfect housewive, always smiling, always friendly and happy. My friends and teachers only told me how lucky I was to have such a nice and caring mother and that I shouldn’t tell lies about her.
Luckily, my husband believes me but he’s never met her since I went no contact years ago. But while I was still living with my parents noone ever believed me.
Oh boy! I got one of those too. My condolences to you. I know how exasperating it is to have to endure all those “I wish I had your mom. You are sooo Lucky she’s your mom” comments while dying inside.
And yeah, smear campains are their thing when they are no longer in control of you, so they control the narrative. I lost all my maternal side of the family brcause of this, it hurt like a mofo but it worked out for the better for me and my husband and kid♥️
Right now on the road to no contact after years and years of grayrocking.
Safe first✨️
Lol my mom told me she regretted giving birth to me because I expressed suicidal thoughts.
I came from a “communist” country where there was a strict birth control policy because of thr fears of overpopulation, I was the second child my mother illegally gave birth to. So she said because she broke the law to have me and had to pay huge fines, that I owe her or something. And even my grandmother said I owe my mom for risking legal punishment to give birth to me. And that suicide is cowardly and disrespectful/ungrateful for her “sacrifices” and if she had known about my thoughts, she wouldn’t have “wasted so much resources” on me.
Bro, I really wanna be that type of dipshit kid and say: “well if you have me so much, then maybe the party should’ve forcibly sterilized you before you gave birth to me”, but I just ended up crying and have an existential crisis, my birth wasn’t even supposed to happen, the fucking government literally hated my existence anyways, rejected my existence, I’m just another anomaly, born only out of sheer luck, the card were never really stacked in my favor to begin with. I think all the bad luck I’m getting might be just nature trying to course correct, to get rid of me, the anamaly.
Oh she didn’t literally say that, its just my internal monologue. Sorry for being confusing, I’m kinda just rambling.
But like I literally am an anomoly, as in the legal sense. Having two sons is not really “normal” in China, at least prior 2015, so like, I’m pretty sure people would find it weird if they knew I was the second son. Give how much “patriotic education” kids get, if I had stayed there any longer, kids would be like: “Wait you have an older brother? So you are an illegal child? Unpatriotic!” (at least this is how I imagined it would go, luckily I didn’t have to find out, since we left the country when I was young)
And its more about the legal identity thing that makes me feel this way. They literally just straight up refuse to issue IDs or allow me to be registered in the Hukou, for a “crime” (a purely political crime btw) that my parents did, like wtf did I do? I didn’t even ask to be born, they’re just gonna try to punish me for… existing without their approval. So my mother is like: “If we hadn’t paid the fine, you would not have those legal documents, so we can’t prove to the US Immigration officials of your identity, so you’d be left behind” Okay she didn’t literally say it, but its implied when she said something along the lines of (paraphrased) “Remember how I paid a huge fine because I gave birth to you?”
The US is a raging shit heap at the moment, but it’s normal to have multiple sons here. Even if it wasn’t the norm though, or even against the law (which is so bizarre to me), you have every right to exist. You don’t owe anyone anything for being born, and you do not need anyone’s approval to exist.
I mean yes I know I shouldn’t be seeking external approval for my existence.
But like its just a weird psychological phenomenon amonst people who were, in some ways, “rejected”, like people whose bio-parents got drunk and had sex, and never intending to reproduce so their birth was merely an accident, or kids born as a result of sexual assult, or children of extramarital affairs, or their bio-parents birth control methods (e.g. condoms) failed etc… I mean like… you know what I mean?
When you are one of these “rejected” people and you learn of your true origins, it feels depressing, and it causes existential crisis.
I don’t know if its possible to just bury this info from my brain, like… its always just gonna be sitting there in the back of your mind, making you question your entire existence.
I know it seems very small problem, but inside my mind, it’s an entire psychological battlefield. I’m pretty sure its a similar psychological phenomeon for people who were born to birth control failure, or people born as result of [SA].
I think I know what you mean. A lot of us were “accidents” lol, probably more than you realize. You aren’t alone. How you came into the world doesn’t matter, it doesn’t define you. All that matters is that you’re here now, and your life is your own to make something of. You matter.
Also, there’s nothing wrong with questioning these things that bother you, and trying to work through them. It’s good to process them and come to terms with them if you can. It’s okay to ask for help if you need it, too. But please be kind to yourself, as well.
I don’t know. She’s been painting me as the bad, unruly child that has something wrong with her since kindergarden, so I guess it would be easy for her to make it sound like I just lost my mind and shes the victim. Those who believed her will keep believing her.
My mother regularly beat me, yelled at me and told me she wished I’d been aborted. Noone believed me because to outsiders she was the perfect housewive, always smiling, always friendly and happy. My friends and teachers only told me how lucky I was to have such a nice and caring mother and that I shouldn’t tell lies about her.
Luckily, my husband believes me but he’s never met her since I went no contact years ago. But while I was still living with my parents noone ever believed me.
Oh boy! I got one of those too. My condolences to you. I know how exasperating it is to have to endure all those “I wish I had your mom. You are sooo Lucky she’s your mom” comments while dying inside. And yeah, smear campains are their thing when they are no longer in control of you, so they control the narrative. I lost all my maternal side of the family brcause of this, it hurt like a mofo but it worked out for the better for me and my husband and kid♥️ Right now on the road to no contact after years and years of grayrocking. Safe first✨️
People can be idiots and not realize that social behavior can be a mask. Always smiling, well, thats hiding and acting.
Lol my mom told me she regretted giving birth to me because I expressed suicidal thoughts.
I came from a “communist” country where there was a strict birth control policy because of thr fears of overpopulation, I was the second child my mother illegally gave birth to. So she said because she broke the law to have me and had to pay huge fines, that I owe her or something. And even my grandmother said I owe my mom for risking legal punishment to give birth to me. And that suicide is cowardly and disrespectful/ungrateful for her “sacrifices” and if she had known about my thoughts, she wouldn’t have “wasted so much resources” on me.
Bro, I really wanna be that type of dipshit kid and say: “well if you have me so much, then maybe the party should’ve forcibly sterilized you before you gave birth to me”, but I just ended up crying and have an existential crisis, my birth wasn’t even supposed to happen, the fucking government literally hated my existence anyways, rejected my existence, I’m just another anomaly, born only out of sheer luck, the card were never really stacked in my favor to begin with. I think all the bad luck I’m getting might be just nature trying to course correct, to get rid of me, the anamaly.
The universe is an anomaly. It’s a miracle life is even possible at all.
Yay, we are all a bunch of SCPs 👀
Edit: Okay, oddly enough that feels better when I think of it this way. We are all anomolies! 😁
That was a terrible thing for your mother to say, never mind even think. You’re not an anomaly, and you don’t deserve to feel that way.
I hope things get better for you.
Oh she didn’t literally say that, its just my internal monologue. Sorry for being confusing, I’m kinda just rambling.
But like I literally am an anomoly, as in the legal sense. Having two sons is not really “normal” in China, at least prior 2015, so like, I’m pretty sure people would find it weird if they knew I was the second son. Give how much “patriotic education” kids get, if I had stayed there any longer, kids would be like: “Wait you have an older brother? So you are an illegal child? Unpatriotic!” (at least this is how I imagined it would go, luckily I didn’t have to find out, since we left the country when I was young)
And its more about the legal identity thing that makes me feel this way. They literally just straight up refuse to issue IDs or allow me to be registered in the Hukou, for a “crime” (a purely political crime btw) that my parents did, like wtf did I do? I didn’t even ask to be born, they’re just gonna try to punish me for… existing without their approval. So my mother is like: “If we hadn’t paid the fine, you would not have those legal documents, so we can’t prove to the US Immigration officials of your identity, so you’d be left behind” Okay she didn’t literally say it, but its implied when she said something along the lines of (paraphrased) “Remember how I paid a huge fine because I gave birth to you?”
The US is a raging shit heap at the moment, but it’s normal to have multiple sons here. Even if it wasn’t the norm though, or even against the law (which is so bizarre to me), you have every right to exist. You don’t owe anyone anything for being born, and you do not need anyone’s approval to exist.
I mean yes I know I shouldn’t be seeking external approval for my existence.
But like its just a weird psychological phenomenon amonst people who were, in some ways, “rejected”, like people whose bio-parents got drunk and had sex, and never intending to reproduce so their birth was merely an accident, or kids born as a result of sexual assult, or children of extramarital affairs, or their bio-parents birth control methods (e.g. condoms) failed etc… I mean like… you know what I mean?
When you are one of these “rejected” people and you learn of your true origins, it feels depressing, and it causes existential crisis.
I don’t know if its possible to just bury this info from my brain, like… its always just gonna be sitting there in the back of your mind, making you question your entire existence.
I know it seems very small problem, but inside my mind, it’s an entire psychological battlefield. I’m pretty sure its a similar psychological phenomeon for people who were born to birth control failure, or people born as result of [SA].
I think I know what you mean. A lot of us were “accidents” lol, probably more than you realize. You aren’t alone. How you came into the world doesn’t matter, it doesn’t define you. All that matters is that you’re here now, and your life is your own to make something of. You matter.
Also, there’s nothing wrong with questioning these things that bother you, and trying to work through them. It’s good to process them and come to terms with them if you can. It’s okay to ask for help if you need it, too. But please be kind to yourself, as well.
I’m in pretty much the same boat. I went here to type pretty much all these words.
Do you think your leaving has made some people wonder that there might be something to it?
I don’t know. She’s been painting me as the bad, unruly child that has something wrong with her since kindergarden, so I guess it would be easy for her to make it sound like I just lost my mind and shes the victim. Those who believed her will keep believing her.
Yeah, that’s bad. Good that you were able to make it out of that situation at least.