I’ve been wanting to get some humorous quotes embroidered on my throw pillows, and I’ve only got a short list so far. It’s easiest and cheapest to get them all done at once, so I’m trying to come up with a list of about 10-15 to select from before I send them off. Ideally, they’d be vaguely “life advice” but that’s not a hard requirement. If you remember the Demotivational Posters from years ago, think “Demotivational Throw Pillows” to get an idea of what I have in mind.
Current list / examples:
- “The truth is usually just an excuse for a lack of imagination” - Garak, DS9
- “There are no bad ideas; just great ideas that go horribly wrong” - Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock
- “Never go with a hippie to a second location” - Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock
Obviously, they should be fairly short to be able to fit in the available space and shouldn’t be vulgar.
Let’s hear your suggestions, and hopefully they make the cut and provide for some fun ice breakers/conversation pieces.
As suggested by a commenter, here’s the original joke pillow that inspired me:
“Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them in order to stay alive”
Haven’t you ever read my throw pillow?!
I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
“Yeet” (because, you know, it’s a throw pillow)
“Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice skate uphill.”
- Blade
- Wesley Snipes
- Blade
Yes! Though I may just have that one re-created verbatim or see if I can find a larger version of it for sale.
“Sometimes a hypocrite is nothing more than a man in the process of changing.” - Dalinar Kholin
Edit: Not really a humorous one, it’s just my favorite quote from the Stormlight Archive.
Yeah, not really what I had in mind for my throw pillows, but definitely something I can add to the rotation for my letter board. Thanks!
“Life is a bitch, then you die.”
“Take a thousand naked pictures of yourself right now.” That one is part of a longer speech that is really quite moving .
At the end of the day… it’s dark
Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside a dog, it’s too dark to read.
“42” - Douglas Adams, Hitchhikers guide to galaxy
Don’t sweat the petty stuff and don’t pet the sweaty stuff
Pretty sure that one just made the cut. Thanks!
This is the way I’ve heard that one, probably just a mutation:
Don’t sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things.
Cannibalism, great with friends.
Jack Donaghy could supply your entire inventory, and I feel you should figure out a way to get the first part of your gif included.
“Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them in order to stay alive. Haven’t you ever read my throw pillow?”
We know what art is. It’s paintings of horses.
You joke, but I’m seriously considering painting my home office whatever the closest match is to “elk tongue” and filling it with paintings of horses.
Donaghy did supply the bulk of the list before I decided to diversify and trimmed it down to those two. lol.
Yarn is pretty annoying in that it both has exactly the quote I’m looking for but also never the full context. I’ll add Donaghy’s pillow to the post as an example, though.
I would love to read some of the quotes in the link if not for the billions of ads and other shit popping up
Sorry about that. uBlock Origin knocks it all out for me. This should be better, and much more extensive anyway.
If it’s stupid and it works, it’s still stupid and you are lucky.
Pillage, then burn
Two wrong is probably not going to be enough.
From schlock mercenary, 77 maximsof maximally effective mercenaries
Bonus: Don’t shit where you sit.
Scotch. It’s too early to drink it, but it is never too early to think about. - Dr Cox, Scrubs (A bit paraphrased)
Never drink scotch without water. Never drink water without scotch. –Jerry, a guy i know
Also, when you go to the bathroom in a bar he says, " Don’t come out with more than you had when you went in."
I’ll have to look up some “best of Dr. Cox” quotes. I’m sure he has several gems.
Don’t bet on a three-legged horse
