“They’re not in the office right now, can I put you to their voicemail?”

I lie to my kids constantly. Don’t even feel bad about it, it’s a requirement for peace in the world.

“Thank you for shopping here.”

Like seriously there’s like one grocery store in this entire small-ass town and this is it. Not like you were doing me a big favor.

I also just don’t give a shit if you shop elsewhere. Whether you shop here or elsewhere won’t change my less-than-living-wage paycheck, thank you very much.

I have done a lot Enough for today I am tired I need to rest I should shut my eyes

… more screentime on unproductive content

“No it’s fine. I don’t mind.”

“I’m working on it”

I’m good, how are you?

I embelish for effect.

I don’t lie. I make up words with my mouth.

I lie about driving sober to the wife and kids LMAO

I often joke that my job mostly “telling cunts how fucked they are”.

Sometimes I’m just not feeling it, so I fail to tell someone how trully fucked they really are, even though it’s probably important that they know.

It’s a lie of omission.

I’m a big fan of the super obvious lie. It makes people think you’re really bad at lying, and they overestimate their ability to detect your lies, so they let their guard down.

I like to tell “sexy” lies, like “I just had sex”, or “people want to have sex with me”

It’s those lies like how bards and storytellers do it.

And I know I am bad at it, but I practice so I could be a storyteller to a degree when I will need it.

I hope this email finds you well.