Heard a guy respond to another guy calling him a motherfucker with ‘yeah, but your mom didn’t complain much’, so it got me thinking. What are your best comebacks for the common insults you hear from time to time?
I love that this thread is slowly developing into a Monkey Island sword fighting training course.
‘you fight like a barmaid!’
Oh yeah? Well… I’m selling these fine leather jackets.
You are rubber, I am glue!
deleted by creator
So?
One I’ve heard: a guy was giving another guy some shit for drinking a “girly drink”, saying “real men don’t drink those”.
The guy instantly responded, “Real men drink whatever the fuck they want.”
Man. I’m gonna use this one for sure!
It lands best if you order a Cosmo or something equally “girly” coloured right before.
Rose wine or one of those raspberry beers don’t count?
All the raspberry beers I’ve had are regular beer coloured honestly, but Rose absolutely gives the right effect.
Appletini
JD?
Oh man, I haven’t had one of those in a hot minute. Guess I know what I’m sipping during the HCS grand finals on Sunday.
Easy on the tini
Lassie, in response to the bestiality rumors circulating about you, I have decided to forgo calling you by the usual girl’s name, and instead I am going to refer to you as whatever famous dog I can think of. I have gone with Lassie because of course it satisfies the criteria of being both a girl’s and a dog’s name, thus helping you to ease into the transition
For girl colored drinks, a Pink Lady is an incredible cocktail for all genders to enjoy, and one I’d recommend if your bartender can actually make it. Best when a bar makes their own grenadine, too.
Absolutely! What is more manly than being independent and not giving a damn about what others think!
That’s just like… Your opinion man
You’re not wrong Walter, you’re just an asshole.
“No u”
Ultimate uno reverse card.
Mirroring works best if you monkey them. Just repeat the exact words just like in an ape voice. A little pantomime helps, too.
No one insults me, so these aren’t field tested.
“Oh yeah? Well, the jerk store called and they’re running out of you.”
“I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”
“Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.”
“What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”
“Well, I guess you’re no longer invited to my birthday party.”
Said to a random person, it confuses the hell out of them.
I pull out the “I’m rubber, you’re glue”. Nobody expects it these days, either that or “Would Mister Rogers approve of your actions?” I’ve yet to meet someone who doesn’t at least pause at that.
I can’t pull it off, but “I’m thinking you weren’t burdened with an over-abundance of schooling.” From Firefly is killer
“I fucked your mom”
Oh, so now you’re disappointing other people’s parents?
“keep going with that, it’s turning me on”
How to deal with bullies is actually pretty good advice.
Someone asked if I was dropped as a baby due to my performance difficulties and I responded by saying she’d know it would’ve been worth it if she was ever held.
