The need to always seem manly around other men…in particular the choice of music. Ride in the car with certain people, they always have to be blasting hard rock or rap, or hard country depending on your location.
Meanwhile I’m over here enjoying switching between pop, rock, new wave, alt and even my playlist of exclusively Elton John, Phil Collins, Peter Gabriel and Billy Joel
Friend, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying extreme music. Its a bit weird when that’s all someone cares about, but many people have a healthy obsession with extreme music and you shouldn’t judge them for it.
what is hard country
Thought of another trait that is as toxic as it is annoying: apparently a man must outwardly show how attracted he is to “hot” women around him or he must be gay, and apparently that in itself is also implied to be a disappointment.
God, that’s so weird. A boomer aged progressive will some times point out hot women to me. Not even in his age group. It really is just hard coded in that whole generation.
But then when he does it in front of his girlfriend, he’s being unfaithful. But if he doesn’t express interest in other women then his opinion on his partner’s hotness doesn’t matter because he must not be into women or he’s not macho enough since macho people are supposed to ogle women.
God I’m glad I’m not closeted anymore…(I’m polyamorous, agender, and pansexual).
The inability to accept/ ask for help.
Gonna take the hit on this one: a Joe Rogan bro. You probably know what I’m talking about, but to be more clear: aggro “alpha male,” gym rat or has a weirdly intense workout routine, takes a bunch of supplements, ready to believe anything pitched as “they don’t want you to know this,” weird diets of meat, “edgy” humor that’s more nodding and agreeing with prejudices than being funny, etc. Oh and listens to Joe Rogan willingly.
There’s nothing toxic about working out and getting strong, taking supplements etc. As long as you’re not harming yourself or other people then I see nothing wrong with it.
The description wasn’t “any one of the above”, it was “all (or most) of the above”.
My dearly beloved ham casserole, I don’t think going to the gym was the toxic trait here.
I wish someone would call me their dearly beloved ham casserole.
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My delicious Thai food.
Heh I picked this habit up from a friend of mine who’s actually also on Lemmy, so there’s at least two of us here who use weird food-based insults (?). If you say something a bit silly in a comment you might still get your chance!
Then why mention it?
Because it’s likely the first thing you notice and then you look for the harmful secondary traits.
Like a guy that has a really short fuse with himself. He might just have really high expectations for himself…… buuuuut once you notice that first trait, you keep your eyes out for the secondary ones, where he has a shorter fuse with others.
This guy takes care of himself …better keep an eye on 'em.
It really isn’t. Lots of people who listen to Joe Rogan don’t work out. Lots of people who work out don’t listen to Joe Rogan.
I do neither, though I am planning to start working out to lose some body fat and try to strengthen my bad ankle.
whoosh.
Because it’s part of the mix of traits that that kind of group tends to have. It’s not one of the toxic ones but its part of the ones used to identify them.
It’s a stereotype. It’s designed for mental shortcuts. But then it also casts a much wider net than it ought to and ends up harming innocent people.
It’s a stereotype
Without going too far down the slippery slope: stereotypes exist for a reason. Nissan driver? No insurance, late on car payment, dead-end job. Furry? Gay or bi, nerdy, works in IT or STEM. Boomer? Can’t operate a computer to save their life, is angry and scared about electric cars and renewable energy, their house cost $30k and they don’t realize why kids these days don’t have one.
There’s outliers, sure, but…
Someone thinking that you kind of look like a Joe Rogan bro until they get to know you is not what I would personally classify as harm.
Not understanding boundaries and not having/setting them and respecting others’.
You don’t owe shit to anyone and if they make you feel bad, they are often manipulating you. What you choose to do needs to be a hard yes from yourself otherwise its going through motions and can often be inauthentic which is inherently harmful to your sense and integrity of Self
People naturally test these limits and breach them all the time so it happens but you must train yourself to assert your will for yourself and how you respond to trespasses by setting those limits and then strongly upholding them when it comes time to address the opposing force, definitely for those who continue despite knowing the rules of the game you’ve set for yourself
I’m not sure why this is a thing more men do, but I can’t agree more. Generally, I associate this kind of behavior with poor emotional intelligence so good advice for literally any kind of relationship with anyone.
to combine all 3 of the above, i worked with a joe rogan bro who would come up and show me a video of him having abusive sex with a hidden camera footage that the partner wasnt even aware of, to brag about his weekend conquest, then tell me how he stole her soul with surprise anal. then he dared me to show him something better next week.
Wat, people that ridiculous exist?
Satire probably
No I can confirm guys like this exist
The need to make everything into a competition or to one-up any story or anecdote.
I know more jk
Were talking about the fellas, why even bring this up besides as some weird defensive thing?
I’d say because if we’re trying to find things unique to guys it’s relevant to point out when it isn’t unique.
BUT THE WAHMENS
That’s nothing!
Ever seen a group of guys stuck in a terminal one-downsmanship spiral of mutual unaccountability?
It’s epic bro. Totally blows the doors off your example.
That reminds me of a story, buddy and me fell overboard and when someone threw us a lifesaver he bet me I couldn’t lap the boat before getting rescued. Long story short we did six laps and we’re both dead now.
Oh yeah?? Well, when I fall overboard, I drown! (Because I can’t swim)
Ngl that’s pretty hardcore
Even conversations.
Dudes that nitpick jokes.
I feel like I am missing a joke here
The inability to admit that they’re wrong.
Guy at work always starts saying sexist shit when no other women are around, maybe wanting to built camaraderie or something? Toxic masculinity is a myth. Women all want the bad boys. No thanks we can avoid the 1:1 convos from now on.
Guy at work always starts saying sexist shit when no other women are around
I misread that as sexiest shit at first and was super confused. “Damn they must be working with some gay ass motherfuckers.”
Not just guys, but mainly.
In the engineering field and other technical realms you’ll often find an asshole coming out of their shell under the guise of superior life choices. They full delude themselves into believing other trades and interests are less than because they don’t benefit society in such a directly visible way.
I should know, I was brainwashed into the cult for a few years. It took seeing it go to the extreme before I snapped out of it and started respecting other career and life choices.
When i was around 16 and drove around with co workers, they always had to comment on women they saw on the street. Oh she’s so hot. Look at her boobs. Ew she’s ugly. They were super nice guys, but i always just sat there quietly thinking: maybe when i’m an adult i’ll be like that and don’t feel so awkward anymore. I’m always 40 now and still when i sit in a car with guys i don’t really know, nothing has really changed. I still just roll my eyes and when i see a lady with big boobs, i hope no one else saw her. But they always do and have something extremely funny to say.
Bullying.
Seeing regular masculinity as toxic. Just out right judging people for not being more feminine and doing normal guy stuff.
Like bunch of guys joking around having fun. "Oh that’s toxic masculinity.
Yeah, I kind of agree. Toxic masculinity is a thing, but it doesn’t mean all masculinity is automatically toxic.
Then again, usually when I’m hanging out with guys and the testosterone level runs a bit high, someone will crack a joke about it and we’ll laugh at ourselves.
I think having a fragile ego and not being able to joke about yourself and/or your masculinity probably does make it on in the toxic list.
Most of the people I work with these days have fragile egos. It’s a big problem.
