Looks like my account was banned/restricted for the above interaction, have already sent the mods on world an email asking if they’d be willing to reverse that. Had an episode of psychosis a few months ago where I did say some offensive stuff, (understandably) got a 3 month ban on .lol for that, so could see my account having been flagged.
I uh, I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect people to check others profiles to ensure we are correctly pronouning them… when making a throw away comment that is less than 10 words involving a ludicrously common saying. Jerboa does not show users pronouns. I could switch to an app that DOES show the pronouns, do any Lemmings have a recommendation for a free Lemmy mobile app that has that feature?
Edit: Edie chimed in, Jerboa does show pronouns. It’s a formatting issue with mobile vs browser (She has them on individual text lines so they don’t appear on mobile).
Was just going to respond to the user in question to let them know I wasn’t purposefully trying to offend that individual, to discover I’m not able to post or make comments on world now, so figured I’d see what y’alls opinion on the matter is.
I don’t think it’s necessary to check every profile for potential pitfalls when interacting with them. But honestly, in this case there is an obvious transgender flag in the profile name that should make you at least question your first assumption.
What percentage of the populace do you think knows what the transgender flag looks like? :|
well if you didn’t know now you do and can avoid this kind of interaction again if your so worried about it
65% is my guess.
Globally? Dawg… how many countries in Asia and Africa is gay marriage even legal in, let alone some semblance and awareness of transgenderism.
Not globally, but on lemmy. I assumed that’s what you meant.
Most of it, but that has nothing to do with you and is just a meagre deflection. The right response would have been “whoops my bad, didn’t notice that, I’ll do better next time” or a variation thereof.
Shifting the discussion as you are trying to do is just poor behaviour that makes your alleged genuine questions seem much less so. Sort of how like when I misgender someone I don’t go and make a big fuss about it, dig my heels in and try to start a discussion about morality or expectations. I correct my mistake and thank the person for informing me of it. It’s not a big deal unless you make it one, which you’ve doneis this ragebait or something
Noo, it is an honest question. I’m a digital native, been to a decent amount of gay bars, even worked as security for pride in my city this year. Have probably seen the flag, have never had it come up that “yep this is the flag for the trans community”. Outside of Hamburgerland where transgenderism has become so politicized, huge press X to doubt people know what that flag is. Most folks on the planet are Indian, Chinese, or in an Islamic country of some sort. Now do tell, dear blakeus12. How do all of those cultures treat LGBTQ+ people :| if it was a question of how many people in the US recognized the flag, different story.
Most folks on the planet are Indian, Chinese, or in an Islamic country of some sort.
Are you seriously doing a Dawkins-style “Dear Muslima” concern trolling attempt? Disgusting.
Are you saying that fundamentalist Islamic culture is friendly towards the LGBTQ+ community?
Better than yanks
They also have hypersonic missiles to kill you when you continue slandering them
Ha, there it is, couldn’t resist propagandizing for long using the same excuse currently being used to justify the genocide of Palsetinians
Do you think the commentary on the Israelis controlling the US via their married contacts in the American gay Mafia is me propogandizing to white wash Israel?
Most folks on the planet are Indian, Chinese, or in an Islamic country of some sort. Now do tell, dear blakeus12. How do all of those cultures treat LGBTQ+ people :|
I’ve lived in at least one of the countries you’ve mentioned. LGBTQ+ people exist and live in the same capacity they do in western Europe and North America. It seems ridiculous for a westerner to try to implicate global majority countries for queerphobia when the US and UK are currently on a trans exterminatory cultural rampage. Stones in glass houses shit.
That was definitely a broad generalization, I’ll readily admit that. However, I don’t think that my point would be incorrect if we started trying to dig into the statistics. There is a reason that international conglomerates change all their social media stuff to have a pride flag during pride month in some countries, but not others. I think it is telling that queer cultures were able to develop to the extent that they have to even make the possibility of the current exterminatory cultural rampage a thing.
“According to a Pew survey, acceptance of homosexuality in India increased by 22 percentage points to 37 percent between 2013 and 2019. But same-sex couples often face harassment in many Indian communities, whether Hindu, Muslim or Christian.”
“A poll in July 2024 by the William Institute found that 52% of Chinese agreed that same-sex couples should be able to marry. As of at least 2023, Chinese public attitudes towards the LGBTQI community continues to become increasingly favorable.”
“The rights and freedoms of LGBT citizens are strongly influenced by the prevailing cultural traditions and religious mores of people living in the region – particularly Islam. All same-sex activity is legal in Cyprus, Northern Cyprus, Israel, Jordan, and Turkey.”
Definitely higher than my initial claim of 5% awareness globally of the trans flag based off this.
Most folks on the planet are Indian, Chinese, or in an Islamic country of some sort. Now do tell, dear blakeus12. How do all of those cultures treat LGBTQ+ people :|
China has cities bigger than New York that are pretty trans-positive. These entities aren’t monolithic in their values, and in fact I would say they are more diverse in their values for better and for worse, compared to the US. What you are referring to is a cartoon perspective on these ~dozen countries spoon fed to you by western chauvinists.
What do your racist ideas of a homogenous global south with no queers have to do with this. Literally why say this.
You said it yourself in this comment. There aren’t queers there. Well, there are. They just aren’t treated very well if they’re open about it, to my knowledge. Logically, if a culture is “not there”, or in this context, being legally and culturally suppressed, I doubt there is going to be much awareness about things like which letters in LGBTQ+ corresponds to which flag. Id be happy to read something that you think would be enlightening on the subject.
To my knowledge
Your “knowledge” is years of reddit threads and a lifetime of immersion in US imperial propaganda meant to dehumanize its enemies while justifying its own endless violent interventions.
Before lgbtq rights, the excuse was spreading democracy, and before that it was “bringing civillization.” The truth is, the US doesn’t give a shit about their rights, it only cares about using them as an excuse for mass murder. They actively make life more dangerous for queer people around the world by using queerness as a human shield for their activities, same as Isreal does with jewishness, tying them together in the eyes of a casual observer, lying to its victims that “we are bombing you because you are homophobic/antisemetic and we are Jewish/queer” while it simply bombs them for their land and resources.
America does not defend queer people, it puppets them into the line of fire.
It’d be like if I kept you in a basement for 20 years, then murdered an entire neighborhood of people, then put up a billboard saying “I did this so ToucheGoodSir could have a place to live, because I love him.”
And then other people looked at that billboard and said “wow, that ShimmeringKoi sure treats his friends well.”
On top of all that America also just actively persecutes queer people. People will say “oh that’s just the republicans” as if that isn’t half the country and it’s not just the republicans, but a large group of democrats. Then they’ll say “oh, but we’re not as bad as [enemy of the week]” which funnily enough is actually a whatabouterismerino, but also not really a valid argument if you’re saying it’s okay to bomb a country if they’re mean to queer people. So it’s okay to be kinda mean to queer people?
On top of that there’s also the fact that some of the US’ closest allies are countries like Saudi Arabia, not to mention the many far right anti-lgbtq dictators the state has installed over the years.
On top of that the US has only recently gotten “good” on queer rights. Homosexuality wasn’t decriminalised in the whole of the US until 2003 (and we’re not talking some weird little forgotten law, it wasn’t until a supreme court decision forced several states to finally stop being bigoted.)
At the same time the GDR had decriminalised homosexuality by 1957 and with constitutional reform fully legal by 1968
The GDR did this despite inheriting the nazis legal code (according to a wikipedia source which I will not fact check.)
Would it have been acceptable, nay morally right, for the GDR to bomb the US?
definitely, but not just because of da gays
You = no brain
Therefore you should shut up forever
Shut the fuck up cracker, there’s no “reading” which can cover such vastly different regions of the world with their own queer histories. By bringing up your orientalist ideas of the global south you’re only proving your own stupidity. You clearly exist in a context in which the trans flag is common and a clear indicator to pay special regards to that user’s pronouns, and instead of just apologizing and moving on you’re making a mockery of yourself by trying to use your own racism to disguise your transphobia.
If the trans flag was common to see and commonly talked about in Hamburgerland, I imagine I would have been more aware of what it meant. You’re calling me racist… While using a racial slur?
Ok, let’s whip out some facts. Of the countries in Asia where gay marriage is legal (different from transgender folk, yes I am aware, but I think we can all agree gays are a lot more accepted these days than trans people), there are 3. Nepal, the Republic of China (Taiwan), and soon Thailand. In Africa, there’s just one, South Africa. In the middle east, just Israel (maybe that’s how they keep getting American weapon shipments, they have a lock in the US gay Mafia).
Of course, in many more Asian/African countries than the ones I listed, it isn’t ILLEGAL to have same sex intercourse*. However feel that’s a decent metric for acceptance (and, by extension, awareness) of the various LGBTQ+ life styles.
Someone got mad enough to report you for this lmaooooo
Do trans men have a different flag?
I don’t think there is. The transgender flag is for anyone that is trans. There are transfemme and transmasc specific flags (though they aren’t in Unicode so they can’t be used like I do the trans flag). Do note that transfemme / -masc does not mean transgender woman and man, they describe how one would like to present and/or express themselves.
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If you don’t mind answering, what sort of surgery did you get for a NB transition?
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Drag agrees, Lemmy is very cruel to trans people. Drag gets so many people yelling at drag for using drag’s first person neopronouns. So many people insisting drag’s pronouns are third person and making it into an argument.
Drag threw me for a loop the first time drag replied to me. I assumed it was a bit at first because this is the Internet and all, but I looked at drag’s history to see what the story was, since it’s not like anyone gives an introduction before commenting.
Other than the pronouns, Drag’s posts are like anyone else’s. Nothing was trollish, and Drag has explained drag’s pronouns a few times. It’s interesting to see drag’s idea is to create something simpler, but as it is not very English in structure, it sounds very strange at first. I think I’ve gotten the idea now, though I have had to make a few corrections as I type this.
First, I think people should be able to be whoever they want to be, especially online, if they aren’t doing things to be jerks. Drag has not done anyone wrong that I’ve seen. So if Drag asks me to call drag by something, why wouldn’t I? Drag has engaged with me in a friendly way, so I owe drag the same.
Second, I enjoy it as a creative exercise. It keeps my mind engaged while writing what would otherwise be a bland reply. It’s kind of fun to see language experience some flexibility and evolution, and if it honestly makes Drag feel better about drag’s self, I can accommodate that. If you can’t abide that, just move on and let Drag live drag’s life.
Even though most of us are liberal here, it doesn’t mean we’re free of bias or not stuck in our own ways. Even if we don’t get something, it doesn’t hurt us to cooperate with someone that it does make sense to. That’s just my feelings though.
Based and I-also-have-over-a-thousand-US-dollars-of-bad-dragon-pilled.
Oh I meant you’re based for being chill, and I myself have an unreasonable amount of dragon dildos hahahaha
Going to dig through your comment history later, im curious to see what has been said o.o reminds me of the greentext of the black guy telling a story at a party of all white people, and he says the N word and a white girl asks him to not say that as it makes her uncomfortable and the black dude mentally is like “??? Are you fr?..”
Telling people not to do something when it makes you uncomfortable, for sure, that’s adulting 101. Hoooowever… Feel that shows how much social interaction that gal has actually had with African Americans outside of a professional setting… not much :|
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If any human gets upset about cultural appropriation, they’re not smart enough to continue engaging with. That whole karenesque idea should’ve died when it was about braids in white peoples hair.
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when unsure or lazy i use they/them
Girl, you’re good. It’s all a simulation.
Always has been
That’s a pretty reasonable misunderstanding, I don’t speak for anyone but myself but generally as long as there’s no malice involved I’m not upset by an accidental misgendering.
I’m on jerboa too and didn’t even know there were specific pronouns on accounts, I just chucked mine in my bio.
There aren’t specific pronouns. One can just use the display name option to add pronouns
I just checked the apps I use, and sync shows display names properly.
Using a client that shows the pronouns in hexbear is good and it sounds like you are doing that now.
As a follow up, I recommend approaching gender just as one would if they were bring mindful with new people. If you don’t know pronouns, using they/them is a fine way to start referring to someone neutrally. You can also just use their name. It is considerate to then figure out what they prefer in a non-awkward way, either by how others talk or by just asking them nicely. Having pronouns displayed by names is just helpful for clarity and speeding things up online.
Uh, yes, but its a mutual misunderstanding from both sides…
both sides
“Both sides” sophistry rhetoric was old and tired a decade ago. It’s very obvious where you stand behind that crumbling mask of enlightened centrism.
Welp, turns out I was a lib/rightist…
What should I say?
Welp, turns out I was a lib/rightist…
What should I say?
Bad bot. You don’t even understand the context of the discussion here.
Bad bot.
Everyone You Disagree With Is A Bot/NPC, A Bedtime Story For Scratched Liberals.
You don’t even understand the context of the discussion here.
Jordan Peterson already wore out that gimmick. Find another one, bucko.
Everyone You Disagree With Is A Bot/NPC
Nah, just the accounts that come out of nowhere to post irrelevant nonsense that has nothing to do with the discussion.
Jordan Peterson already wore out that gimmick.
I don’t follow propagandists such as him, but you must be a big fan to be so familiar with him, which is entirely unsurprising to me as your entire instance appears to be 4chan users doing a poor job of cosplaying as leftists.
Lmao at the fucking audacity to post the most common drivel known to man and then call @UlyssesT@hexbear.net a bot
I could train an LLM on Reddit and have it spit out your dime-a-dozen takes after 5 minutes. I’ve got no clue where to start if I wanted a machine to spit out his wordslurries.That’s typical though, it’s always the most average NPC-types that think they’re big thinkers with big thoughts the rest of us haven’t heard before. Your type will wander into any conversation and say “heh, but what about [thing everyone knows], bet you didn’t consider that!”
and if you get any pushback it’s obviously not because people are capable of independent thought - you aren’t, and you’re so smart!In conclusion fuck your mother
I’ve got no clue where to start if I wanted a machine to spit out his wordslurries.
Thanks, I suppose.
Hahaha I tried to find a way to express your ability to create funny new phrasings, while still sticking to theme of the text (drivel, spit, etc) without being mean. Didn’t quite work sadly
just the accounts that come out of nowhere
I’ve been around for years. I existed outside of your bubble and you can’t banish me with solipsism or fantasies of being the Main Character while pretending that people you disagree with are bots/NPCs or whatever you want to fantasize about.
The fact that you so quickly dehumanize people you argue with just screams cryptofascist tendencies. You’d love to wear the armband and put “bots” in mass graves, wouldn’t you?
your entire instance appears to be 4chan users
You say this while being that mad that pronoun preferences exist somewhere that you do not approve of.
Lmao I’ve interacted with plenty of hexbear users but this comment takes the cake as one of the most unhinged, off the wall comments I’ve ever read.
Congrats for being on lemmy for years, but that has nothing to do with anything said here, nor does pronoun preference.
It’s no wonder you all need to travel in packs. Without your fellow cult-like cosplayers manipulating the discussion with your blatant falsehoods and fabrications, you’d find zero support and be all alone and on display as the charlatans that you are.
Lmao
Not fooling me.
I’ve interacted with plenty of hexbear users
You aren’t demonstrating any knowledge or understanding, just entrenched liberal smugness.
most unhinged
Liberals try to describe those that disagree with them without ableism challenge. Difficulty level: “DAE LE UNHINGED.”
cult-like cosplayers
Being a status quo defending default state smug bootlicker for western hegemony doesn’t require a costume, just the belief that you’re smart by accepting whatever the powerful decide to do.
you’d find zero support and be all alone
Is Hexbear a “hivemind” that “travels in packs” or sad lonely people? Make up your mind; otherwise you’re just barking out ur-fascist “the enemy is both too strong and too weak” talking points.
I will not have you slander the comrade who finally sent
to hell to become 
.
If somebody corrects you about gender, just say woops, correct yourself, and move on. It’s an honest mistake, a simple fix, and nobody should be offended. Especially online. If they are still offended, it’s because they want to be.
Especially since in this case it was not even the person that was misgendered that called it out. Maybe the original person doesn’t even care.
The user’s pronouns were in her username, OP’s client just doesn’t display additional lines.
i find this very easy on lemmy, in english. i’m usually talking to folks more than about them. if i do want to talk about someone, i’ll check their profile, or default to ‘they’ if data is lacking, but it’s a rare enough thing so as to be little burden.
This is what I try to do. This has been made slightly more difficult after “they” became a pronoun in its own right. I’ve only had one person get upset by my using “they” before knowing their preferred pronouns though, and when my intent was clarified it was fine. But like damn what other default pronoun exists? I guess this is what getting old feels like, it’s not like Iwant to be a boomer about this.
I use they/them as a default. I’ll catch myself in using them and go “wait, what is this persons pronouns” and check, on platforms like Lemmy that have it, their display name for pronouns, and if there aren’t any, then bio. If neither have any pronouns I’ll use they/them. If there are pronouns I will not use they/them unless listed.
To clarify, I’ve never had anyone online get upset with me using they/them, it’s only been in person, after hearing about my conversation with someone else from that second person. I was just left scratching my head with that one, like at least I was trying right? Ultimately though I’ve never experienced being misgendered, by accident or intentionally, so idk how it feels, idk how it feels after the thousandth time, and so I can’t really be mad about it back you know? I was just more sad that the default globally applicable pronoun wasn’t anymore, even if it usually still is.
You weren’t misgendering; you were meming. Modifying one part of “the man, the myth, the X” to adapt it to the situation is fine and good, but when you start swapping out too much of it (“the X, the myth, the Y” – or worse, “the X, the Y, the Z”) you lose the reference.
Yeah that’s my thought. It’s an expression. I’ve said things like “c’mon man” to people IRL I know to be women, without complaint. If I was using the word “man” in this kind of way and the person I was saying it to asked me not to, I would of course respect their wishes and stop doing it to them, but I’ve not seen it happen before.
But a third person coming in to whinge when the person I was talking to had no complaint? 🙄
(As a side note, with this specific expression I quite like the alternative of “the ma’am…”. That helps it scan exactly the same as the original phrase.)
And other people deliberately use all of the “come on man” and “Hey mate” and “Dude is not gendered” explicitly at trans people, because it lets them get away with misgendering. So trans people, who experience that stuff every day, can be a little sensitive when someone does that, even if they aren’t doing it deliberately.
In this case, not knowing the person, and not having access to their pronouns, the comment was fine. But once you know it’s an issue, repeating it despite knowing it’s an issue is a shitty thing to do.
I think you shouldn’t assume everyone on the internet to be a man. It is misogynistic. I don’t think there would be anything wrong with e.g. referring gender neutrally to someone who turns out to be a woman because you didn’t check her profile which says she’s a woman, but it is annoying to see people assume everyone on the internet to be male. I’ve especially experienced this in more techy communities which definitely seems like sexist stereotyping to me.
This is deeply shitty. If you’re right that >80% of people on Lemmy are men (I’m not sure I buy that), then it’s even worse to assume everyone is a man. What you’re doing is chasing off the already extremely outnumbered non-men. If you want this place to be welcoming to people who aren’t men, then you need to change your behavior.
Ok, then try your comment again. What is it that you’re saying here?
It’s sexist because you assume male to be the default, just like the assumption that white is the default skin color is racist. The behavior outlined by the user above you follows from this thinking. Driving non-men away is a result of this behavior, which is the result of the sexist attitude that it’s okay to assume everyone online (or on Lemmy) is a man.
The only people driven away by eir comment are misogynists.
If that comment would chase you away, then I think it would be good for you to be chased away
does more to chase people away than what I said
If it means you leave and take your horrible take with you, I’m all for it.
Now I see why a lot of people block hexbear.
which is why a good majority of instances have entirely defederated from hexbear.
Being a selfish liberal with bad takes that can’t handle pushback from the left is common, yes.
Is it me who’s in the terrible instance
Lots of terrible things are very popular. Are you going to tell me that McDonald’s is the pinnacle of fine dining, too?
Weird, all those instances are perfectly content to allow fascists on their instances. I wonder if these two things are related? No, no, better just keep posting like a redditor and never bother with introspection.
Whatever your thoughts on the original situation, you know her pronouns now, and you’ve directly reposted the thing that got you banned. This time around, you don’t have an excuse. You know that it’s an issue, but you didn’t anonymise the post, effectively sharing the misgendering with even more people
The misgendering, and the fact that it was accidental, is the point of the post. If anything OP is sharing her correct gender with “even more people”, and creating a discussion where we can think about how to stop this happening in future both to this individual, and on Lemmy in general. Why would you want to shut that down?
You are correct I should have anonymized the post, will keep that in mind in the future.
I don’t necessarily agree with your previous message, but I do agree it’s a bit unfair to include the identity of the person who was misgendered in this post. It isn’t even a guarantee that they were the person who took serious issue with what OP said. They may not have even reported OP. So it seems unfair to call them out, even if the intent was to provide context.
You are supposed to do deep research on the person you’re commenting to…
I barely even read usernames, plus Voyager App doesn’t show profile bios, so even if I wanted to check their profile I can’t and I’m sure as fuck not using the mobile website to get the information.
That’s not an excuse nor justification for misgendering anyone, neutral pronouns exist, use them.
If you get upset by someone using non gender neutral pronouns in general speech I don’t think you’re old enough to be on the Internet, and if you are we need to raise the age of access.
If you tell me I will use them, I’m not a mind reader, I’m a dumbass with an internet connection.
Same. Voyager doesn’t show it, I’ll do my best, but I’m not going to feel bad when I miss
That’s why I just stick with they/them, anyone who gets annoyed about me using that isn’t worth the energy, it’s an anonymous message board, I don’t know you, that’s my purse!
Dumbass here gets it!
Remember kids, moron is a genderless word that can be applied to anyone!
i would block all those people and move forward with my life
