I (21M) live in an Ohio household of hardcore Trumpers who, unfortunately, found out that I voted for Kamala Harris.
My father and brother are fascists. They believe in killing anyone who disagrees with Trumpism. My mother is not violent, but drank basically all the QAnon Kool-Aid and is batshit insane.
I am disabled. My cognitive ability suffers severely if I sit up or stand up for more than a few minutes. I also have another condition that requires me to avoid bending my neck, so I have to keep it straight. I also can’t safely lift anything that’s heavier than a few pounds, so anything more than that is very risky. I can push and pull fine.
I am also financially-dependent on my mother at the moment.
We moved to a new house recently, and the walls are very thin. That allowed me to overhear a private conversation between my father and brother.
My brother said that he hates Harris supporters so much that he wants a day of retribution where he goes on a violent rampage to kill everyone he knows who supports her, especially gay and transgender people. When my dad asked if that included me, he did not hesitate to say “Sure.”
My brother is in peak physical condition. He owns guns and has military training. I had long suspected that he is the biggest potential threat to my life, but gaslighted myself into thinking I was overreacting. Today, he confirmed it.
My brother isn’t the type to throw out threats of violence willy-nilly. He has also physically abused me in the past when we were younger and has major anger issues. I believe that I have to take this threat seriously, and that means that I need to evacuate ASAP. I think the most likely day for him to act is on election night or shortly after, which would give me just over a week. But then again, I can’t be sure. Maybe he is planning a surprise.
My mother is too unreasonable to take any of this seriously.
I have a few thousand dollars and Democratic relatives from the South who might potentially take me in, though I don’t know for sure if they will, since we’re not close emotionally. I also don’t know if my brother will go out of his way to target them once he notices my absence. He is going to an out-of-state Trump rally this week, so I know that he doesn’t have much trouble crossing state lines.
I don’t know where my birth certificate and social security card are, other than that my mother has them somewhere. My father is home the entire time and stays in one spot where he can see everything. Even if I knew where they were, there is no way for me to retrieve them without him noticing.
Fuck fascism. I was born to a family of vile abusive sociopaths. It was hell the whole time. I won’t miss any of them. Fuck them. They are a disappointment to the rest of my family line. I spent my entire life learning how to become a decent human being in spite of it all and now the fuckers want me dead. FUCK. THEM.
The thing that separates me from the rest of my family is empathy. I refused to hate the people they wanted me to hate. Instead, I listened to their stories and befriended them. I care about everyone, not just straight white Christians. I voted for Harris because I wanted the best for everyone, which means preventing the installation of an authoritarian regime. And for that, I must pay the ultimate price.
I may never get to experience love or deep friendship, but no matter how this all ends, I vow to spend the rest of my days pouring out as much love and joy as I can out to every last ally I meet.
Any advice would be helpful. I don’t want to wait, but I also can’t do this without some kind of plan. I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing, so any input is appreciated.
Thank you.
If you’re as disabled as you say and either you have documentation (such as state benefits) or it’s just obvious I would try APS (adult protective services) over the cops. Things will move faster and more effectively if you do some of the legwork (hypothetically speaking) for them ahead of time.
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Get in touch with the family that might take you in. Try to find three options who confirm they will take you. Write down or keep in a Google doc or whatever their: full names, phone numbers, email addresses, and physical addresses. The number one thing I see holding up cases like yours is housing, and if you have all those details worked out ahead of time a caseworker can do a lot more for you a lot faster. A lot of the time our psych social workers can get someone a uber / lyft or bus ticket easily enough, the problem is figuring out where they’re going. If you have the contact info of someone they can call right there and then who has already agreed to take you, you are a slam dunk open and shut case. Get three so you have backups.
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Arrange for a ride locally such as a friend or acquaintance or literally anyone else who has a car and is willing to help you for 24-48 hours. This should not be hard to talk someone into. Many people want to help a person like you but don’t have the resources to house someone for weeks or months. For this acquantaince you are an easy way to help and feel good about themselves. Use that. Tell them to wait for you to contact them. Again, try to get three options set up so you have two failsafes.
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AFTER you’ve done that, call your local APS (adult protective services) or file a report online. Do whatever you can to keep your family from knowing you called because it might take a few hours up to maybe even a day or two for them to get to you and you don’t want your family tipped off in the meantime. Tell them you’re being held by your family and kept from accessing your legal identifying documents like your birth certificate. If you get state benefits your documentation or papers regularly mailed to you may also have a compliance / abuse reporting hotline number somewhere on it. You could also try a crisis hotline through an organization that does community outreach. Tell them they have abused you in the past and you are in fear for your life. Tell them you HAVE A PLACE TO GO you just need help getting your documents. Again, you are easy to help in this situation, they don’t need to worry about setting you up with benefits or housing or anything, just transport maybe. This is what the numbers and addresses are for, they may want to confirm you have somewhere to go and even have options. Just play up the danger and that they’re keeping you from your documents. If you get an asshole worker wait six hours and try again (change of shift) or try calling a different agency or the next town over. You may also be able to find other places to call or worst case scenario call 911.
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The SECOND they show up and if they’re able to get you those documents, get the hell out to that person who’s helping you locally and block your family and do not tell or hint or give them any other indication of where you’re going. Don’t even tell the person giving you a ride if you think it will get back to them. If necessary tell them an entirely different final destination and just get them to get you to the airport / bus terminal and get out.
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while you’re waiting, get all your medications, medical equipment / supplies, any valuables or sentimental items, and 3-5 changes of clothes all in the same area of the house. Make sure to pack sentimental clothing but especially pack accessible clothing that’s easy for you to dress yourself with. Get them into a bag if you think you can do so discreetly, but a box or even just a pile in an out of the way corner is fine. If you have any special skin safe shampoo or other non-medicine but important toiletries stash them too or just make sure they’re all in the same place in the bathroom. Get everything into 1-3 discreet / hidden piles so you just need to throw them in a trash bag and go. If there’s any valuables you think your family will try to dispute ownership of, try to get any receipts or photos of you wearing or using them or texts from someone who bought them for you or whatever else you can find and put them in a Google drive folder or email to yourself. Worst case scenario though, be willing to leave some things behind if you have to.
Good luck and godspeed. :)
This is the best advice, in the best order, which I have seen laid out so far.
To which I will add:
Assuming you do have at least a valid Drivers License… it should be possible for you to attain your own copy of your Social Security card (which is not actually a card, its just paper) and Birth Certificate.
For the former, you can make an account on ssa.gov , and it is not too hard to get a Social Security card mailed to wherever you end up. Just say your old card was stolen.
As far as your Birth Certificate… theoretically it should be possible to attain a copy through some kind of State records office/website, though I’m not familiar with Ohio specifically.
Finally, when you are settled in a new safe place, if you have not already tried, apply for SSI and/or SSDI from Social Security.
Its a mountain of paperwork, takes up to a year or more, but if you can get any form of guaranteed income, that’s better than 0.
As far as your Birth Certificate… theoretically it should be possible to attain a copy through some kind of State records office/website, though I’m not familiar with Ohio specifically.
Vital Statistics
Here’s the info from Ohio:
https://odh.ohio.gov/know-our-programs/vital-statistics/how-to-order-certificates
You know, you’d think conservatives would put family before politics given their stereotypical “stated values”. But I guess that all goes out the window when their conservatism morphs into something closer to fascism.
Not all, but a whole lot of American Conservative ‘family values’ boil down to Dad is always right, no matter what he does, no matter how objectively wrong he is.
Petite authoritarianism, chauvinism, religious fundamentalism.
I grew up in a right wing, fundamentalist Christian household. Many, many American Conservatives have been like this for decades… they just used to do a better job of masking, pretending that they have a principled, respectable ideology.
You really need to break those paragraphs up. If you want to give people advice to help them out, the very first thing you need to do is care about how you’re presenting that information. OP even said they have issues with cognitive function sometimes, so help them out by not giving them sold blocks of texts.
And I can tell you as someone who is intimately familiar with the workings of the Ohio Department of Job and Family Services, the assistance available to OP will depend heavily on how their local country office is run. It could be as easy as you say, it could also be an absolute cluster fuck that takes weeks for no resolution because the county office has been butchered by local conservative leadership.
If you’d like to edit the thing I wrote for free at 2am to include your edits for clarity and more localized bureaucratic knowledge, I’m happy to link right to you at the beginning. Other than that, you’re welcome.
Actually, none of this advice is actionable for OP because Ohio doesn’t have exceptions for disability for APS. You must be 60 years or older.
“Adult” means any person sixty years of age or older within this state who is disabled by the infirmities of aging or who has a physical or mental impairment which prevents the person from providing for the person’s own care or protection, and who resides in an independent living arrangement.
It looks like certain countries may extend those benefits to 18-60 year olds with disabilities, but only if they have funds, and only specific a handful of counties. It’s absolutely no guarantee because the law does not require the DOJFS to respond if the person is under 60.
Honestly, if they follow your advice, the DOJFS is likely to just call the cops anyway.
Hero.
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First, you need to know, you did NOTHING wrong. Your family is the problem, NOT YOU.
Second, when you say you are “financially-dependent on my mother at the moment.” it’s quite likely the other way around. If you’re as disabled as you say, you should be getting disability benefits, paid to YOU, not them. Likely they were collecting before you turned 18, but at 21 those benefits are YOURS, not theirs.
Third, don’t sweat the birth certificate or SSN. Those are just paper and there’s a process to replace them, a process you can’t start if they harm you.
GTFO. Now. While you can. Take your benefits with you, cut them off and let them hang.
Absolutely agree with you, but one thing to note is the existence of what’s called representative payees. OP would have likely had to sign a form for it at 21, unless they were verifiably incapacitated at the time, but a rep payee is, for an intents and purposes, the beneficiary as far as the social security department is concerned.
Which is NOT to say don’t leave. It just means that OP needs to contact social security the instant they are clear of danger or being overheard.
The moment you’re safe, contact the SSD and ask them to verify your status as the primary on your account. If your mother (or someone else) is not the rep payee, then you’re clear. If they are, you need to ask for the paperwork to transfer your benefits back to yourself, which may involve having to go through a judge. That said, keep a record of any communications between yourself and whoever the rep payee is. Ohio is a one party consent state, meaning you are legally allowed to record your phone calls as long as one party is aware and consents, namely yourself. Text based communication is easier, though.
If you are able to contact anyone (guessing you can since you’re posting this) I would suggest contacting progressive organizations in your area. Women’s shelters, even if you’re male, may be able to help you, or direct you to someone who can help. Gay organizations often have some resources in place for teens who have disowned. The DSA, the episcopal church, the metropolitan community Church, the United Church of Christ, any Sikh, Buddhist, and often Hindu community centers are also notorious for being home to progressive members. Sadly, they likely don’t have anything in place for such a rescue mission already, but they may well be a member willing to assist.
Best option is if there’s an anarchist mutual aid org near you, but that’s unlikely.
I wish you all the luck and success in there.
This also ended up longer than I anticipated going in, so posting it as a full comment in and of itself, too.
Man, I am so sorry this is your situation. I won’t pretend to really know what advice to give you, other than you should contact adult protective services and see if they can do anything since you are a vulnerable person (aka disabled).
Again, I don’t know shit from fuck, but that’s where I would start. Idk if the cops would take the threat seriously or not, but you might be able to file a restraining order.
If you’re in acute danger, call the cops. A credible threat has been made. Even if they can’t remove you or your brother, everything being on file might serve at the very least as a deterrent to execute his plan.
Thanks for the quick reply. I have a few concerns here:
- I have no recorded evidence of the threats, so I’m not sure if the cops will take this seriously. I heard that shit loud and clear, but I didn’t get an audio recording.
- I have no idea how corrupt the cops in the local area are; this is a red county, although it’s on the outskirts of a big city. I don’t know if the cops could severely fuck me over in ways I don’t know about.
- I am likely to end up escalating tensions. My brother would probably see it as an attack on him (Harris supporter trying to get his guns confiscated) and make it a priority to get rid of me quicker. He isn’t very smart (hence why he joined the cult) so he might think that Trump will pardon all violence he commits.
I’d love to be wrong, but my current impression of cops is that they are unreliable and involving them could really backfire. But if anyone has a thoughtful rebuttal, I’d appreciate it. I’m not going to pretend to be an expert here.
Please read Apytele’s comment, you are absolutely correct that calling the police will be interpreted as a threat and make your situation even worse.
You have to get out, first.
The police have literally 0 legal obligation to protect any citizen from a crime or potential crime, what they do is investigate after the fact, or sometimes during a reported ongoing incident. (Barring traffic stops, basically)
And that’s assuming they’re not fellow MAGA cultists.
Right but their comment is suggesting APS which will not help them. They are 21, Ohio’s APS program is only for people over 60.
Someone else said it, contact Adult Protective Services. APS is meant for people like you.
This is OHIO. The Ohio DOJFS’s APS services are explicitly only for adults over 60, and moreover, they don’t just come pick you up. They send someone to investigate first and then make a determination on your need. This does not happen quickly and you CAN be be denied.
Rural Ohio native here. OP if you don’t mind sharing what county you live in, I might be able to give you better info. If you don’t want to share that (and that’s perfectly understandable), what part of the state? Northeast, Southwest, Cleveland area, Columbus area, etc?
Outskirts of Columbus, within reasonably short driving distance of the city
So first things first, all the advice you got about adult protective services is basically moot. Ohio law stipulates adult protective services only apply to age 60 and above. Some counties may extend that to adults under 60 with disabilities, but the law does not require, and they’ll only help if they have the funds to help.
You said you’re in a red county but you’re on the outskirts of Columbus. I think you’re being a little generous on what the outskirts of Columbus are. All the same, if you’re in one of the red ones that circle Franklin county, the only one that will maybe take disability into consideration is Madison.
Other than that, I think you can forget about the APS. As a matter of fact, I would bet if you tried to contact them, they would hand it off to the cops anyway.
If you’re close enough to Columbus and you can get there on your own, you’ll want to look for any support you can find there. They’ll have the most available resources, the most groups willing to help, and the most spaces to potentially house you.
Like, genuinely? If you can find a way to anonymously reach out to some local activist groups, they will be much more likely to give good, actionable advice to you than anyone here.
Discord is good, just be careful who you share your name with.
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You’re not helping
It’s the truth, though. Without any evidence there’s a decent chance no arrest will be made, especially if the cops are Trumpers themselves. And even if they are arrested, there’s no doubt mom will post bond so they’ll be out before very long.
If that happens, OP will very likely be grievously injured or killed.
OP needs to GTFO first and foremost.
That’s not what space noodle said. Space noodle said the cops would shoot him for not voting for Trump.
I’m not wrong.
Is he wrong, though?
This is a serious thread. No jokes and off-topic comments.
It’s not a joke, and it’s entirely topical.
Well then, Ohio’s fucked. I should have believed the memes.
I’ve always found the best people at foodnotbombs, which has local chapters in most cities. Start there.
Out the front door and straight to a punk show.
Call the police if your life and others are threaten. Seriously.
If you’re disabled like OP calling the police is dangerous. They will not understand OP’s disability and will make them do stuff that will harm them. It’s better to look for local mutual aid organisations specialised in people with disabilities.
And then the cops show up, interview everyone, and leave.
“Let us know if you have any further trouble, OP.”
Then everyone in OP’s family is insanely pissed off at him, even more likely to kill him, start screaming at him 60 seconds after the cops leave.
… You must not be American, to think that calling the Police in for a domestic dispute is some kind of solution.
If you can get relatives to help, do that. If not, contact a local women’s shelter or other abuse-related non-profit. They may or may not be able to help directly, but they will most likely know what other resources are available.
I wish you the best.
I don’t think a women’s shelter is going to help him much…
They may have answers. He likely won’t be the first man who called them needing advice on where to seek refuge
Depends on the shelter. Some are gender specific, some are simply there to help anyone who needs it
Men’s shelters exist.
Shelters often share resources and many are more flexible than you would expect. They might not take you personally but dollars to donuts they can point you in the direction of other specialized resources.
Honestly I would report the threat to the FBI. He is planning terroristic murders across an entire population of the general public and across state lines.
do you have a driver’s license?
you can get a running camper or even a large van in a pinch for less than a few thousand.
it’s not the most comfortable thing in the world for everybody, but if you get an RV, you have a tiny independent apartment on wheels free and clear.
you have no more rent after the initial purchase, and obviously it’s private so you have as much time as you need to to figure out what you’re going to do next.
That’s the quickest way to get your own private space and I can walk you through it(browse, visit, buy, register) and look at vehicle listings near you.
I can walk you through exactly how hygiene and all the everydays work in the vehicle you get, likely expenses and all of that per month, it’s all doable and not a huge adjustment from living in a regular apartment.
birth certificate in almost every state can be replaced in 1-2 weeks for about 40 bucks or expressed in a couple days for 80 bucks, and with your birth certificate and a couple other documents like tax forms or some other identifier, you’ll be able to get your SSN card replaced as well.
If you have any other specific practical questions, please send them over here. I’ve replaced many documents before, I’ve lived in an RV, I’ve been traveling for a decade, and I’m thriving on the other side.
I have life experience I’m happy to share and you can take from it what you find useful.
I don’t have a driver’s license, I just have a state ID card. So I’ll probably need someone else to help me with any vehicle stuff. Thanks for the reply.
If someone got you an uber, would you have a place to go?
I’m calling my relatives right now to see if they can help, but other than that, no.
I’m calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233) and they gave me some resources,
FindHelp.org and when you go there, put in your zip code, look for shelter, other services? access to housing, medical support
DomesticShelters.org put in zip code, in filters, click “services men” and look for your specific criteria
Let me know if you need any help with these, or planning, or anything?
You don’t have family there. You have relatives.
If you have an extended family member who is sympathetic, that is the best. Otherwise, look for somebody who is sympathetic and older with a spare room or something, if there’s some task you can help them with, even better. Older people are likely to be more stable and better understand their own limitations.
If you have an ID you should be able to get a copy of birth cert and social security by applying for them, if your family messes with them they can get fraud charges. You’ll need to file a change of address for disability etc. Try to work things out as possible.
The other thing you should do is see if some anarchist is willing to put an airtag or similar on your brother’s truck to monitor him. This will mean if your brother does end up doing his murder spree he can easily be tied to the murder at the least.
I really curious how they found out that you voted for Harris. Was the party dumb enough to send you a thank you letter with blue stickers or something?
The entire scenario sounds completely fabricated. Voting in the US is completely private unless the person asks for assistance. Also the amount of detail the OP provided reads like fan fiction.
Do you really not know who your family likely voted for, or your roommates? People like this don’t need a registered ballot result to make an inference that lets them act violently; unless he’d had the foresight to play at being a Trump convert months ago, I think this story is extremely credible.
That’s not who you voted for but that you voted in the election.
It’s absolutely fake
Some states will tell you just about everything about a voter with only their name and birthdate. Not that far feteched
I would wager an average US mail carrier could correctly assume who a household has voted for just from the correspondences delivered during any given election season.
For people who are worried about what their family members would think, probably they’re not donating or signing up for newsletters, so their postal mail is not going to give you much information.
That’s my question too, do they not have a secret ballot in the US? If they do (and I’m pretty sure they do) my advice to OP is to deny who they voted for until they can get to safety, “was just joking about voting Harris” is a perfectly reasonable lie if your safety is threatened, the family would have no proof or way of finding out.
In the US our actual vote is secret and anonymous, so it is possible to hide who you “pull the lever” for. When you vote in the primary however, (in most states) it is recorded which party’s primary you choose to vote in (but again your actual vote is secret) . This is a matter of public record (don’t ask me why) and campaigns use that info to target people based on their likelihood to vote for them. So if OP chose to vote in the Dem primary, their name would be on record as having participated in that Dem primary, and the local/state/national Democratic Party probably would have sent campaign materials to their address (not like thank you notes, but more like ads for Dem candidates and causes), and their family may have deduced that they had an “outsider” amongst them. Another scenario is that OP may have just been honest with them when they asked.
This is a matter of public record (don’t ask me why)
At least in some states it’s because it’s illegal to vote in more than one party’s primary. Can’t enforce that if you don’t know who voted in which.
You would think they could store that information privately, and have it be accessible privately, without it needing to be entirely public.
I would love to be proven wrong. Source?
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A lot can be inferred. OP probably has talked about his political beliefs before with their family present (or eavesdropped). Either that, or OP had some arguments with his dad and his brother and they’re now taking leaps of faith thinking he must be a democrat.
It’s the latter.
Arguably a stupid mistake in retrospect, but all I said was that genocide against LGBTQ+ people is evil because genocide is evil, period.
I believed that opposing genocide was still in the Overton window and they hadn’t gone full fash yet.
But then they told me who they really were.
That’s when they began to constantly accuse me of voting for Harris. Because I opposed the mass killing of innocent people. I was already the oddball in my family for not spewing hateful rhetoric every day, so it was a believable narrative to them.
Maybe my brother doesn’t believe for sure that I voted for Harris and just included me in his hit list because I oppose the killing that he wants to do. Either way, the end result is the same.
Damn, I can’t believe how toxic some people can be. I hope you find a safe spot asap, OP.
Assuming this is real, and that you have a cell phone, I think your best resource is your not crazy relatives. Ask to visit. I find it more likely your brother is just boasting and full of shit, but if you are physically delicate, it could still end badly.
So call them and tell them what you told us, that you are worried. If they invite you, that will be an excuse to get your stuff from your mom. You need allies.
I believe the FBI is who you’d contact my dude
