My grandpa told me “always call your boss sir, and respond “yes sir”, youll be promoted real quick.”
First day at my first job my boss tells me “by the way you don’t need to call me sir, just Brian”
Its actually insane that the world that boomers lived in was that simple.
Dutch has a formal and informal 2nd person word (think “you” vs “thou”).
I have an intern who will not stop using the formal version, and it feels super awkward. I keep telling her to stop it, but she said she always uses with older people…
She’s 23, I’m mid 30s. Ouch.
At least she doesn’t help you cross the street. Yet.
“Is your lunch soft enough? Should I cut it up for you? We have a blender back in the kitchen if you want?”
You do those shenanigans in french too.
Super complicated with SO family though uhg.
Do you mean je vs u? Could you tell me more about which would be appopriate in settings like a police control, a shop or a campsite? I’m learning dutch but still trying to grasp those things :)
German here, we have the same thing (du vs. sie). Our rules may be slightly different than dutch but probably similar enough.
Police: definitely formal unless the officer is someone you know privately.
Shop: usually formal though some hobby-related shops (think GameStop or board games) might prefer informal.
Campsite: probably informal
As a general rule of thumb: informal is used with first names, formal is used with last names. Think about which name you would use in English and go with that. If in doubt, use the formal version or ask.
I speak both german and dutch, and in my experience germans tend to use ‘sie’ in way more situations than the dutch. In my experience, germans also place more importance on titles (dr. Prof. Ir., etc), and older people can get riled up if you don’t address them with their titles, although it has gotten less.
In the Netherlands, I usually start with ‘u’ if I don’t know the older (60+ y.o., I’m late 20s) person yet, but I do listen if they tell me not to. Also the situation is important. For a job interview with someone clearly older than me, or if it’s a suit-and-tie sort of place, I would go formal. I agree with the above about the police/shop/campsite, altough most shops are also informal in the Netherlands.
I would assume so
Thanks, I’m a German native speaker myself - I tend to use je vs u in Dutch similar to the German du und Sie, but as the other replies indicate that seems to be a bit too formal in Dutch :)
Welcome to dutch, where there are more exceptions than rules, and the natives just ignore the rules anyway!
In general, “Je” is by far the most common form. Children use “u” with adult strangers, adults are generally only expected to use it with people in authority positions, but that’s becoming more and more rare. It’s still polite to use “u” with strangers, but nobody will be very upset if you don’t, unless you’re addressing a judge, mayor or your boss’s boss.
Some people address their grandparents formally, but most don’t. It’s still considered polite to use it with much older people, like 30+ years older, but hardly will be upset if you don’t.
Quite a few companies require customer-facing jobs always use “u”, to be respectful, but even that is getting less. My city sends me letters with “jij” nowadays.
Thank you, that’s definitely good to know!
sounds kind of like je vs vous in french, not quite the same but used in a similar way
Funny thing, we actually call the calling someone jij tutoyeren and calling someone u vousvoyeren. This comes from the French.
Fun fact about English, “you” was actually the more formal one. But since we don’t use “thou” anymore, and most people know it from old-timey speak and church, we think of it as more formal today.
Well, people in the past talked MUCH more formally than we do.
If I talked to my grandfather in 1400 the way I talk to my husband today, he’d probably disown me.
Fun fact about Dutch: The informal is ‘jou/je’ and de formal is ‘u’, the last one, however, is pronounced like English ‘you’, the former is pronounced like old-time-english thou.
“You need to keep phoning and sending letters to employers, they’ll give you a job eventually”.
Lump that in with the ‘apply in person’ crowd too.
Just walk in with your resume and and ask to see the manager so you can shake their hand…
That advice could also be harmful to your career. Being subservient like that will make sure that your boss will never see you as an equal as e.g. a potential successor
Unless you are in the military or a sex dungeon, I wouldn’t use “sir” these days. It’s a bit odd in everyday life as culture has changed, haha.
Last time I was in a sex dungeon I called my dom Sir Loin… turned out to be a Miss Steak
This is comedy gold where the heck is the recognition over here, can we get some recognition for this comment up here please!?
Sir Brian of Work
They didn’t. Some Boomers are also in the “just Brian” camp.
sir doesn’t sit well with me either for work positions, I say it to be nice sometimes, but not because you’re my boss. and if someone calls me sir, my response is " I’m not your sir, just call me …"
just call me …
Maybe?
That’s how I see it too. It’s like a whimsical anachronism referencing a more formal era.
just call me …
Al?
If you’ll be my bodyguard, I can be your long lost pal!
If you’re a quiet dedicated employee your value will be recognized and rewarded.
Yeah, that doesn’t work well anymore. Gotta be a noisy dedicated worker, and be willing to move jobs a few times to start seeing the rewards
rewards mostly come from job hopping. Raises at every place I’ve worked arent callibrated to inflation, so your 4% raise that the boss thinks is so great is closer to 0-1%/
Yeah, that doesn’t work well anymore.
It never did.
I put that into practice and just got promoted last Halloween! Let people know that you’re smart and interested in how your job works.
Sounds like somebody has a case of the “Mondays”.
How’re your TPS reports coming along?
In our next union agreement “only one unified timesheet ever” is a demand we’re putting forth.
And you know for us to put that in the deal and see what it’ll cost us in return, we’re fucking fed up.
I feel like that’s the same as a TPS report.
Do you mean you used to like writing software by yourself, on creative projects that you were passionate about?
Hobbies always change when they become a job because it transitions from well thought out, interesting and creative projects to mass production and monotony.
As a hobbyist you have the ability to discover and work on unique, novel projects, without stress but professionalism is about consistency and speed.
Usually by running the business you can dedicate some time and resources to the fun and novel stuff. Thats how I run mine at least, as a woodworker. I don’t crank out high grossing trendy stuff day and night but take the time to explore new ideas and get creative with it. That and using handtools instead of power tools.
I find a lot of resonance in this comment, but my experience is striking out in 3D art.
Thankfully I’m friends with the client and it’s not a hard deadline but I’m a month over on a sculpt because I have to learn new techniques, particular to this model, and I feel the need to get it right the first time because it reflects on me.
I know I’ll get faster with experience but I’m asking myself if doing this professionally from a for-hire standpoint is going to make me loathe it in the long run, because business is all about faster and more and more and faster. I’m considering making my own work to sell as 3D printables or games in the future while I keep the lights on by slinging coffee or something…
I mean, I 100% agree with this one. If I’m going to be at work eight hours a day, five days a week, I better damn well enjoy it.
I’m a software dev, too, but have always left companies / teams soon after a Lumbergh took over. That was always a very good career move for me, and I am almost always pretty excited to go to work.
Plus, Lumberghs will be there for things you don’t enjoy as well. That would just make it harder, at least for me.
I’d say the tasks and role of your job should at least be enjoyable enough to not hate it but what I think is even more important (and makes me enjoy my job) is the work climate, being appreciated by colleagues / customers / management, and a sense of purpose.
You’re totally right. I just want to be in a position where I’m not “face of the house” and actually get to talk with coworkers once in a while.
Jobs these days seem to love putting people by themselves. I don’t even mind being by myself with a task where I can listen to music or something, but with whiny customers? Nightmare.
The coworkers on the other side of the building who weren’t about to snap had something in common: They worked beside someone else occasionally, who wasn’t their boss.
Before that, I was in a retail situation where I would have a cool coworker, in a small space, otherwise empty store, getting things done. But the manager would squawk at us about “hearing a lot of talking” and “that doesn’t sound like work.” Absolutely psychotic and I have no idea how I put up with that behavior.
Before I post this, I apologize for the content length:
Yeah this one hurts, because I’ve heard it all my life yet in MOST situations when I research a job and think “Hey that could be alright!”
There’s always some nasty hidden majority of it that seems to exist solely to make sure nobody enjoys doing it too much. Like there’s some misery quotient to be filled. Misery must be some kind of profit currency as a means of doing business…
As a hypothetical example: You like working with your hands and think assembling widgets or tools might be your thing. You romanticize taking pride in your work and imagining the end user being happy with your efforts.
But you find that once you get there, you’re a slave to some Taylorism machine that demands infinite widgets in increasingly unrealistic timespans or else. And you never see the finished product. They also ban music and glare at you like criminals the entire time.
Or perhaps you envision that hardworking but noble slice-of-life-anime vibe, where you and some cool co-workers run a coffee shop and you’re determined to earn a reputation for the perfect brew… except it’s just you, by yourself, and a long line of grouchy jerks, and some machine is there yelling at you if you’re not doing so many transactions-per-hour and your manager is displeased because you aren’t selling two-coffees-and-a-plastic-tumbler per customer or something.
Less hypothetical: People tell me I’d make a great teacher. Yeah, I don’t need to elaborate on those realities. (God bless you, teachers. Seriously.)
The education system is also just a human conveyor belt at this point.
Where are the jobs that are “just okay” or “fine”? What happened to the humble honest living? It seems like everything can fit under David Graeber’s "Bullshit Jobs" checklist anymore.
With job satisfaction it seems either 1:100,000 odds like “career actor” or “beloved artist” or something, or you’re just in the soul-grind machine that takes a perfectly human craft or interaction and forces it through a filter of spreadsheets and “KPIs” and “metrics” and “management” that makes everyone want to stop waking up.
That wasn’t too long, and it was interesting. Your posts don’t need to be efficient either. ❤️
Hey that’s very kind of you. Thanks! :)
Sometimes a topic hits me and I end up using Lemmy as a writing prompt haha. I’m glad if it resonates with people though. One day I’ll start a blog even if people don’t really bother with those much anymore. :p
Hope you’re having a fantastic one!
Happy wife, happy life. Marriage is about compromise and sometimes I want to be happy too.
That was my take from the very beginning. I hate that one.
Happy spouse happy house is a better version. Both people should be happy.
Happy mate. Happy estate.
Sure, but in fairness I think that the intent of that saying is not to say that husbands should not be happy but to counterbalance the trend that used to be more historically prevalent in marriages for the wife to be treated as an appendage of the husband and taken for granted. If you view your partner as co-equal then arguably this saying simply does not apply to you at all.
I have never, ever heard it uttered by anyone except a married man who definitely meant it to mean “Give in to her every demand as written at any cost and you might have a moment of quiet.”
Yeah old school relationships are insane. Always upset because of the “old ball and chain”.
I went out to drinks with older coworkers earlier in my career, and each time it was just constant wife bitching. Oh she does this, I hate that, old ball and chain. They came to me, I was in a long term relationship (who I’m now married to), and I just didn’t have anything to share. Things were going fine. They laughed and said you just wait har har har.
Well, that was 10 years ago now. We’re happily married, our marriage is full of compromise and mutual respect. We have tiffs, but never full on screaming matches. I still don’t have anything major I’d share at a bar.
Them though, 3 of the 4 of them are now divorced. Maybe spending all of your time at the bar complaining about your wife wasn’t the best for your marriage. But honestly too, good. If you hate them, why the hell are you married?!
Maybe staying at home and talking to each other about those complaints would’ve helped to work them out and compromise. Bitching to your buddies can be a good release, but it doesn’t help solve anything.
Never go to bed angry is in here too. You can see why if you also know that nothing good happens after 2AM. Sometimes you just gotta sleep whether you’re kinda mad or not.
But I guess they didn’t have HIMYM…
HIMYM?
How I met your mother.
Pretty sure the show counted the phrase about 2AM.
I gave up guessing and looked it up. How I met your mother.
Guessing they say the 2am quote in that show. I don’t recall
My preferred edit is “Happy Spouse, Happy House”
you wont be alone everyone finds a lifelong partner.
Calling that advice is like the opposite of a modern fortune cookie.
Work hard and do your best at work and you’ll go places.
Yeah I got moved around several times in the office. That’s about it.
Its always best to compromise
“In a negotiation about wearing black vs. brown shoes, compromise is wearing two different colored shoes. Nobody gets what they want and one of you ends up looking like an idiot.”
Paraphrased from memory from a book called “Never Split the Difference: Negotiate as if Your Life Depends on it”
You can always find it cheaper on Ebay.
This is actually somewhat true again now that Amazon has gone full monopoly abuse, but for a while Ebay was nothing but 1:1 with Amazon sellers and a serious lack of auctions.
Although you can go much lower with Ali Express and Temu, albeit with risk invovled.
Just as casual conversation, what items or categories of goods do you usually deal with? Just wondering, as I myself have noticed “the boat” rocking back and forth between different online buying options for years. I live a pretty minimalist life now (used to be heavy tech) so I don’t buy much anymore and am pretty out of the loop now.
I thought eBay in this context meant second hand? Because here’s the thing: i think second hand means you save a lot of money but you get less choice and less convenience; but platforms are getting good now so both of these factors are mitigated.
Anyway, eBay being 1:1 with Amazon is good enough for me, and i agree that AliExpress in particular is now better than Amazon in terms of price and choice. I don’t even know how risky it really is, they can refun orders right?
The golden rule.
It’s not gay if it’s in a three way?
With a honey in the middle, there’s some leeway.
I wish that’s what it was.
Which one?
“Treat others as you would treat yourself” or “he who has the gold, makes the rules?”
The first one.
People forget that it implies you’re merely a good model or reference point for how you should treat others, and that it doesn’t work when it comes to subjective interests or interactions where what you’re doing regarding someone else is circumstantial.
The “rules for thee but not for me” mindset should be avoided, but circumstances should not be ignored. The other day, I was asked “you don’t like being banned for being violent, why would you ban someone else for being violent” and it’s just messy.
Yeah the Golden Rule didn’t work out so well for Brian Robert Thompson…
How did the golden rule come into play for him?
Luigi Mangione treated Brian Robert Thompson exactly how Brian Robert Thompson treated others. Treat others the way you want to be treated, lest others treat you the way you treat others. Luigi Mangione judged Brian Robert Thompson according to the Golden Rule. Right or wrong, Luigi Mangione’s actions were a direct and terrifying application of the Golden Rule.
Brian Robert Thompson murdered approximately 40 human beings every single day. And for that, he became a victim of murder himself. The Golden Rule put him in his grave.
Luigi: “I don’t want to be killed, so I won’t kill anyone.”
Also Luigi: kills someone
That’s not the golden rule. And where is it established either of them murdered forty humans everyday?
Approximately 68,000 Americans die from health insurance denials of medically necessary care every year. United Healthcare’s share of that comes to about 40 people per day. And yes, it’s the company killing those people, not the CEO directly. But Brian Robert Thompson gleefully gloated and took credit for the huge profits that resulted from UHC’s industry-leading rates of care denial. If he can take credit for the profits that resulted from those deaths, it is entirely reasonable to place the moral culpability for those deaths on his head. Did he ever kill someone with his own two hands? No. But neither did Osama Bin Ladin (at least on 9/11.)
And Luigi certainly acted according to the Golden Rule, you’re just not seeing it from his perspective. His version of the Golden Rule was, “if I ever kill thousands of innocent people, feel free to kill me.” And if, in some bizarro world, Luigi somehow ends up with the blood of thousands on his hands, then by the Golden Rule someone would be justified taking him out as well.
You don’t have to agree with Luigi to understand his motives. From his perspective, his and Thompson’s situation were entirely different. Luigi killed one man, Brian Robert Thompson killed thousands. From his perspective, Luigi killed as an act of righteous vengeance against the wicked, while Thompson killed for profit. And if we judged him according to the Golden Rule, someone would be justified in killing Luigi if he ever killed thousands in the name of profit.
If his motives were genuine, which I say like that because his act has been called into question, his version of the golden rule wouldn’t be the golden rule though as much as it is classic mutual exchange, and even that would be generous to say, not just because of the fact that Healthcare, both in its public and privatized forms (with all forms having their respective issues, since they’re all made to equalize people), is a contract, everything being implied in the beginning and established to work how it does for each client (challenging the assertion it’s the scam people make it out to be, especially as it abides by the law which in our age is hard on scams), but also because he had a whole list of targets as a part of the evidence against him, with the one victim being a minor cog in his own machine, however ethically questionable he or UnitedHealth have been, going to show how premature and generalized the sympathy is towards him.
Why?
I think it has worked pretty well so far. You should never follow a rule strictly, it isn’t law after all. But as a rules does it work. The few times I didn’t follow it when I should did it bite me in the ass later.
A good example when it works in my favor to follow the rule: I am always on time or a bit early and all my friends who usually are late when meeting other friends are never late when we meet up, especially when it isn’t a group meet up.
Having weighed all the times the gist of it made sense versus all the times the gist of it didn’t make sense, I have found the latter happens more often for me. It is often synonymous with shifting burden, where you can’t do so much as use discipline without it being brought up. It is also often synonymous with projecting one’s interests onto someone else, since you are using yourself as a model. In this way, it is anti-negotiative.
Understandable, but I can’t really talk for someone else than my self. My example was about me being on time and therefore most do the same because it was something I felt was mutual. I would never tell them that they need to change for my sake, if I would then it would be for our relationships sake. How can I tell someone I wish them to be on time if I am not?
And ofc it is about interest, I want a harmonious relationship regardless what kind of relationship it is, to be respected then I need to respect the person back. It isn’t like I walk around and think about this haha
But you did make me curious and I am still curious, so far can I only assume what you refer to.
I think we are talking about different things. To me is It not meant to be used against someone but to better yourself and understand consequences of your own actions. It is mainly said to kids like you said. But it sounds like you hear it a lot in arguments which is not how I think it should be used.
Nah, that advice is still correct. The 4-year degree provides a huge benefit over not having it.
It’s just that a lot of people don’t realize just how much shittier not having a degree in 2024 is compared to not having a degree in 1974.
So while the baseline has gotten worse, and the actual benefit of college has shrunk, it’s still easily worth the 4 year commitment and the tuition/opportunity cost.
Counter-point: not everyone is cut out for a four-year degree*. Some people are better suited for trade schools. My wife worked at a university and saw a number of students that were attending just because family wanted them to, but their heart wasn’t in it. Often they’d drop out with student debt and no degree to show for it.
*or at least when they’re young
a number of students that were attending just because family wanted them to, but their heart wasn’t in it
There are probably an even higher percentage of those in trade schools or entry level trades roles. You can’t compare the worst outcomes in one category with the best outcomes in another, and should instead compare medians.
The 4-year degree provides a huge benefit over not having it.
For average lifetime earnings.
So for some it may not provide a big help.
Right now trade schools are actually providing a better cost to income ratio than college.
It’s anecdotal but my friends in the Boston area were all making 120-150 in salary plus bonus before I was even out of school and I started in software at 65k and didn’t break into that level for another 4 years. Now I make 230 but they’ve all got houses and decked out retirement funds from having that good money when they were much younger. That extra 20-30k/yr in 401k and IRA funds with 5-6 years more growth time in the market isn’t something to shake a stick at.
Now I make 230
Yeah the break even point is like the early 30’s, even among people who are killing it in either path.10 years of $100k+ in your 20’s won’t be able to build up enough of a buffer against $200k+ after 30, when retirement ages are around 60.
It’s actually harrowing how little I have in retirement savings compared to them. I spent the first 6 years of my career paying off loans and only contributing up to my employers match. I was illiquid for multiple large economic events while they had cash laying around. They could buy cars when interest was zero. They had a house to refi when interest was zero. I feel like a millennial describing boomers but these are guys in their 30s who went to trade school.
For me to catch up I have to put money almost entirely in taxable accounts where their money and returns are shielded from taxes. They were actually able to use a Roth for many years where I was only real able to max one out for two years before my promotion put me out of eligibility.
The earlier you are in a market, the better off you are and trades put you into the market almost 10 years earlier than someone taking 4 years of college and then having 4-6 years of loan payments
There’s also a lot of things that people ignored from this advice. No one said get literally any degree, art majors have been the source of unemployment jokes since before I was born. No one also said take 5-7 years or more to get the degree either.
Oh wow that’s a good one! There was a time where it worked out great the vast majority of the time. Not so much now, definitely aged like milk
Skip the line with a blue badge at amazon (not financial advice)
Find what you love, and then figure out how to make money on it.
It worked for me, but not my spouse. Sometimes you just need to find something you’re happy enough doing to make the income.
Yeah, finding a career that is acceptable and pays enough to afford the lifestyle you crave is a balance. Usually that advice comes from people who love doing something that is coincidentally also highly paid.
Also, loving something and being actually good enough at it to make a career out of it are also two different things
Depends what part of the process you like. Some people like to be very meticulous in their hobbies, and somewhat of a perfectionist. That rarely exists in a professional environment, where everything is based on getting projects out the door, on schedule and on budget.
I actually like banging out projects quickly, so the professional life of my hobby suits me well (woodworking). I love pounding out big mortises with a sledgehammer, planing big boards and watch chips go flying. I hate fiddling with joinery and slowly fitting them for 10 minutes (slowly learning how to do them faster). For other people, joinery is their favorite part.
I love sleeping.
Something along the lines of “don’t ever go to bed angry at each other.” Like, yeah, you should try to work it out, but if you fucked up real bad, don’t push it. Sleep on the couch.
Alternatively, sometimes a good night’s sleep is good for everyone to clear heads and calmly tackle their issues the next day with fresh perspectives.
Also helps with work emails…
Never send an angry email the same day, and always send it to someone else for reviews. Also never put the recipients in the box until you’re ready to hit send.
Sleeping on the couch isnt gping to bed, though…
So, they technically didn’t go to bed angry
Start an argument. Live your dream.
Or getting a better bed
~2004. My highschool civics teacher told the class that real estate was always a good investment because it only went up. I didn’t really trust him at the time though.
I mean, if you had money at the time and bought a house in one of the larger cities or their suburbs, you would probably be loaded by now, even though you would regret it for about 5 years after the crash
You have to be loaded to be loaded? Got it.
This “teacher” also would complain about wellfare queens who had children just to claim more benefits, that the best thing that could happen to a country is to be invaded by the US because they’ll rebuild afterwards and that every Union but teacher’s Unions were obsolete today, among other things.
Real estate can be a good investment, even pre 2008 crash. What can be dangerous is over leveraging. A primary residence isn’t really an investment, still worth buying though.
He was just echoing the same sentiment lead to all those house flippers. He was a wealth of conservative BS and that was just one of his thinly veiled prosperity gospel moments.
he was a terrible teacher.
the wealthy have always considered real estate to be a liability that requires constant upkeep. they are money pits.
this is why they truly own nothing but physical assets(gold, paintings,etc) and leverage any liquidity on acquiring assets.
The wealthy are buying up properties either to rent out or if they’re Chinese, to move their wealth to places their government can’t take it from. They absolutely own propriety, but not with the intent to flip.
properties yes, but homes are not investments.
It can be a great compliment when someone knows you well enough to see that you’re overthinking things. Too many times it’s just thrown around without thinking it through and that ruins it for everyone
It’s not “don’t ever change.” It’s just saying don’t pretend to be something that you aren’t. You most likely can’t keep that going forever and that’s one reason why many people feel like their SO changes after being together for a while.
“act normal”
“what do you mean act normal? I’m acting!?”
just because you were that person doesn’t mean you are now. the advice still holds
is myself
gets bullied for being self
attempts suicide from excessive bullying
think I did something wrong back then
“Just be yourself” always feels like non-advice when it appears as an answer to a question like, “What should I do?” That’s because it’s secretly negative advice. As in, it doesn’t tell you what you should do, it only tells you what you shouldn’t do. It’s code for, “Don’t pretend to be something you aren’t”. Don’t pretend, don’t lie, don’t put on a facade you can’t keep up.
Technically good advice, yes. But it’s the equivalent of being behind the controls of a plane you don’t know how to fly and the pilot is incapacitated, and your question of “How the hell do I fly this thing?” being met with, “Well, for starters, don’t jerk the stick and flip the plane over.” Wowee gee, thanks for the tip.
Don’t talk to strangers on the internet
