Habit.
Lack of commitment, follow through, cowardice preventing me from doing what I really want to do.
Which means, I don’t have that out. I can curl inward, f*ck everything, I’m done, and everything gets worse and worse. Not sustainable.
If I’m stuck here, no way out, I suppose only way left is to try to figure out how to get out of this dark space. It doesn’t have to be fixed all at once. Just do one small good thing for yourself. Give yourself time to heal, recover. Take it slow. The only way things can change is by actions. Take a shower. Go to goodwill, spend $ on clothes that isn’t sweatpants and tattered t-shirts. …
If I keep at this, one small step at a time, I’m laying in a solid foundation, preparing for that point in future where I’ll be able to go back to that goodwill, ask if they’re hiring. Sure, not the cushy $75k job you had b4 becoming homeless. It’s better than staying on SSI, trapped below poverty level in overcrowded slums.
Only way to move forward is to keep trying.
Lack of motivation to end it. I last tried in July/Aug and ended up in hospital for 5 days.
I just need a nudge towards trying again.
Lately I’ve been focusing on what I can do to make other people happy. Most people will be selfish and they’ll never return anything at all. Some people will be weirded out, and they won’t want to know you at all. But eventually, you’ll find another weirdo like yourself. It’ll be fun to ask them how their day was, and then they’ll have fun asking you how your day was. And then you might realize that what is happening now is better than nothing happening at all, ever again.
Becoming a better person.
Learning new things.
Trying new foods and or eating chocolate and drinking coffee.
Sex.
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Hopefully you’ll find a friend you can share your pets and your life with.
Progress.
If I’m improving in any way shape or form then I’m a step out of the dark. This can be from anything like going to the gym, improving on my hobbies, or even learning something new.
If I was gone, my wife and dogs would not have the money to live.
Same, Can’t let life and others win just like that
i saw a picture with a bird and “i live to spite god”. this has been my prime motivator.
it’s an Aldabra rail. an extinct bird which evolved itself back into existence.
Ritalin.
It feels nice to bike and feel the wind in your hair and huddle into your jacket keeping you warm. I also actively take breaks from playing video games to sit and feel intense gratitude and happiness toward the game. And oranges are absolutely delicious, and singing loud makes me feel alive.
I also like finding flowers in springtime (and putting them into my journal) and seeing/hearing great big flocks of crows in the autumn. Those are seasonal though, not a daily pleasure that keeps me going no matter what.
Vyvanse
Here Here!
If I die by my own hand I know it will mess my family up but that’s literally it. I hate my life.
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I’ve been on and off meds and in and out of therapy for over 30 years, no offense but I don’t think it’s going to get better for me.
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we’re at a tipping point in society right now. i wanna see where this goes. it might even get better.
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my main problem is money right now. my apprenticeship will be over in 2 Years, and i will get a hefty salary and a guaranteed job.
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I loved learning the Krebs cycle.
The crabs cycle - maybe I’ll spontaneously evolve into a crab, like all things do. Anything else & I’ll just continue to be a waste of space until I get a good enough excuse to not be.
