Stop trying to find people to approch solely for the goal of romance. Or for any goal besides getting to know them.
You aren’t getting told “good advice on how to approach someone for romantic purposes” because generally you need to treat them the same way you’d want to be approached by a (potentially unattractive) stranger without sexual or romantic intentions. Stop this thought process of thinking about people and social interactions as some sort off transactional “insert set of actions and tactics, recieve sex/kisses/romance/physical touch/friend”. Or thinking about social interactions in terms of seeking a goal.
You meet the person first. Establish some level of baseline non-romantic non-sex no external motivations relationship first. Then you try to expand to more. This doesn’t have to be some extended drawn out process, it can even all happen same day, but they are discrete steps.
I met my wife at an acquaintence’s graduation party, where all of my otherwise mutual friends with the graduate were out of town. Saw someone else who looked like they weren’t sure what to do with themselves and struck up a conversation as something to pass the time. Did I find her physically attractive? Sure. But I wasn’t going in to try and make anything of it but small talk.
We hit it off with conversation about our backgrounds, found that we had similar interests, and ended up spending multiple hours together. Just talking, for the most part like I would talk to any of my long term male friends. I still wasn’t trying for anything except “This person is really interesting and I want to spend more time together.” So when things were wrapping up I said as much. Something simple like “Hey, I’d love to hang out with you again sometime! Can we exchange numbers?”
The “oh, I want to try dating her” didn’t occur to me until that night when I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I didn’t actually ask her out on a date until around a month later, and it was to something that I was going to go do by myself regardless. If we went out together and it was just friendly, I would have been sad, but it wouldn’t have ruined the evening’s plans or anything.
You don’t need to hang around in “the friend zone” just being “a nice guy”, but going into casual interactions with explicit goals of sex or romance will really fuck with the entire way you interact with people. It’s not how you would want to be approached by a (in this case imagine unattractive and 3000% not your type) stranger, so don’t subject others to it.
Edit: Secondly, shy and introverted is a big hurdle. I live that too.
But you’ll only get better at socializing through trying it (and probably sucking at it, I did). It sucks, but building socializing and related soft skills opens all sorts of doors in life, whether it comes naturally to you or as something hard won.
Again, focus on general socialization skills. It’s not something reasonably min-maxed, and people will see through goal oriented socializing, especially if you aren’t super skilled at it.
Well if that’s how it works then I have no hope of finding someone. Socializing is literally so taxing that I only do it if I explicitly need to.
Ofc I also had people telling me “come on dude don’t be a little bitch just go talk to people” but that’s just not possible for me if I know it will be for more than an hour and it might just be “for the hell of it” because I can only take 2 social occasions every two weeks and the rest of the time I need to recharge alone at home. So either I survive my obligations and take care of friendships, or I can waste 2 weeks just so maybe I can advance socially and I tend to value my friendships more.
Now I believe everything you said but it sounds like we are very different. Btw I do wanna say I am not bad at socializing, I just really can’t do it a lot. Probably average social skills, little bit less than average looks and rizz.
I don’t say this to be condescending but idk what to tell you, building a romantic relationship with another human being will inherently require some amount of socialising.
Since you really wanna operate with a specific intention, you view any socialisation not in direct pursuit of your goal as wasted effort, and no woman just going about her daily life wants to be asked out outta the blue, maybe dating apps really are your best option 🤷♀️ Sure, the UX deliberately sucks dog eggs, but like, it’s a space where it’s socially acceptable to romantically pursue total strangers and it doesn’t take too long to establish that you’re both on the same page wrt what you’re after.
Stop trying to find people to approch solely for the goal of romance. Or for any goal besides getting to know them.
You aren’t getting told “good advice on how to approach someone for romantic purposes” because generally you need to treat them the same way you’d want to be approached by a (potentially unattractive) stranger without sexual or romantic intentions. Stop this thought process of thinking about people and social interactions as some sort off transactional “insert set of actions and tactics, recieve sex/kisses/romance/physical touch/friend”. Or thinking about social interactions in terms of seeking a goal.
You meet the person first. Establish some level of baseline non-romantic non-sex no external motivations relationship first. Then you try to expand to more. This doesn’t have to be some extended drawn out process, it can even all happen same day, but they are discrete steps.
I met my wife at an acquaintence’s graduation party, where all of my otherwise mutual friends with the graduate were out of town. Saw someone else who looked like they weren’t sure what to do with themselves and struck up a conversation as something to pass the time. Did I find her physically attractive? Sure. But I wasn’t going in to try and make anything of it but small talk.
We hit it off with conversation about our backgrounds, found that we had similar interests, and ended up spending multiple hours together. Just talking, for the most part like I would talk to any of my long term male friends. I still wasn’t trying for anything except “This person is really interesting and I want to spend more time together.” So when things were wrapping up I said as much. Something simple like “Hey, I’d love to hang out with you again sometime! Can we exchange numbers?”
The “oh, I want to try dating her” didn’t occur to me until that night when I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I didn’t actually ask her out on a date until around a month later, and it was to something that I was going to go do by myself regardless. If we went out together and it was just friendly, I would have been sad, but it wouldn’t have ruined the evening’s plans or anything.
You don’t need to hang around in “the friend zone” just being “a nice guy”, but going into casual interactions with explicit goals of sex or romance will really fuck with the entire way you interact with people. It’s not how you would want to be approached by a (in this case imagine unattractive and 3000% not your type) stranger, so don’t subject others to it.
Edit: Secondly, shy and introverted is a big hurdle. I live that too.
But you’ll only get better at socializing through trying it (and probably sucking at it, I did). It sucks, but building socializing and related soft skills opens all sorts of doors in life, whether it comes naturally to you or as something hard won.
Again, focus on general socialization skills. It’s not something reasonably min-maxed, and people will see through goal oriented socializing, especially if you aren’t super skilled at it.
Well if that’s how it works then I have no hope of finding someone. Socializing is literally so taxing that I only do it if I explicitly need to.
Ofc I also had people telling me “come on dude don’t be a little bitch just go talk to people” but that’s just not possible for me if I know it will be for more than an hour and it might just be “for the hell of it” because I can only take 2 social occasions every two weeks and the rest of the time I need to recharge alone at home. So either I survive my obligations and take care of friendships, or I can waste 2 weeks just so maybe I can advance socially and I tend to value my friendships more.
Now I believe everything you said but it sounds like we are very different. Btw I do wanna say I am not bad at socializing, I just really can’t do it a lot. Probably average social skills, little bit less than average looks and rizz.
I don’t say this to be condescending but idk what to tell you, building a romantic relationship with another human being will inherently require some amount of socialising. Since you really wanna operate with a specific intention, you view any socialisation not in direct pursuit of your goal as wasted effort, and no woman just going about her daily life wants to be asked out outta the blue, maybe dating apps really are your best option 🤷♀️ Sure, the UX deliberately sucks dog eggs, but like, it’s a space where it’s socially acceptable to romantically pursue total strangers and it doesn’t take too long to establish that you’re both on the same page wrt what you’re after.
I have several friends that are married to people they met in World of Warcraft. You don’t need to go out to connect with people anymore.