Politeness norms seem to keep a lot of folks from discussing or asking their trans friends questions they have, I figured at the very least I could help try to fill the gap. Lemmy has a decent trans population who might be able to provide their perspectives, as well.
Mostly I’m interested in what people are holding back.
The questions I’ve been asked IRL:
- why / how did you pick your name?
- how long have you known?
- how long before you are done transitioning?
- how long do you have to be on HRT?
- is transgender like being transracial?
- what do the surgeries involve?
For the most part, though, I get silence - people don’t want to talk about it, or are afraid to. A lot of times the anxiety is in not knowing how to behave or what would be offensive or not. Some people have been relieved when they learned all they needed to do is see me as my gender, since that became very simple and easy for them.
If there are trans people you know IRL, do you feel you can talk to them about it? Not everyone is as open about it as I am, and questions can be feel rude, so I understand why people would feel hesitant to talk to me, but even when I open the door, people rarely take the opportunity.
I used to work with a trans woman who was a huge bitch, at least some of the time. Like actually shouting at coworkers for tiny mistakes, all-caps shouting in company chat at people trying to help with stuff, thinking she’s the smartest person in any room, that kind of stuff.
i’ve always wondered if she’s just a bitch or if at least some of it could be a side effect of hormone therapy? I mean, completely changing the hormones for your body must have some pretty dramatic effects in many areas and might take a long time until your body adjusts.
but a definitely won’t just ask ‘yo. Are you just a huge bitch or is it your medication’ in a corporate setting.
[edit] just for clarity, she started transitioning about 1 month after she joined that team and I left after about a year and a half, in part because of the mood on the team going to shit, among other reasons. But so I couldn’t compare to pre-hormone therapy or anything like that.
Neither trans men nor trans women become more aggressive due to HRT! Early on, you might have some mood swings as your body adjusts (you’re going through puberty after all) but my understanding is that because of the regimented way we receive it, we’re actually much less likely to get those sorts of shifts because our hormone levels are more controlled than cis peoples. But it also just depends on the person, T has made my partner a bit more crabby but I’ve chilled tf out. It sounds like this particular person just has a very reactive personality
It’s complicated, hormones can influence behavior, but most trans women who take estrogen don’t subsequently shout at people as a result. We don’t know what was going on with her, but it’s not just the hormones, even if they may play a role.
For what it’s worth, I became a much more pleasant, well-tempered person as a result of hormone therapy. Calmer, happier, and more social, and I attribute that mostly to the benefits of being on the right hormones.
Are there cis people that are angry and emotional all the time for reasons you don’t understand?
Well, it’s the same thing when you see it from trans folk…
Of course there are. But I mean, women’s hormones do affect mood during the menstrual cycle (my wife certainly says she’s more iritable before her period), and afaik the hormone therapy is some of the same hormones, so it didn’t seem far fetched at all to me that it could play a role. hence me asking.
but could as well have been some deep seated anger at the world or similar, or something in between. Mostly I was just trying to think of reasons for why she might not be as bad as she was seeming, benefit of the doubt kind of thing.
Interestingly, IIRC, one of the major hormonal factors in irritability during the menstrual cycle is a relative spike in testosterone levels. (Non-expert, could be wrong, but heard this once.)
Right, but if your wife was yelling at people all the time, and writing emails to co-workers in all caps, and constantly getting on peoples bad side, you wouldn’t go “Oh, she’s hormonal”. You’d probably assume that there is something else at play.
Same assumption applies here.
For me it was the opposite, I became way calmer and happier once I started HRT.
I guess there are multiple factors. I think the biggest one is just the personality of the person. But starting taking hormones is basically a second puberty for the body. Most trans folks do not become as irretable as a person in their puberty but if one has a predisposition to it, a transition may trigger that a bit.