I have a couple friends like this. Live with their moms, over 25, never had a job or anything. Only plays games. I feel so bad for them because they don’t think they are smart but they definitely are, they just dont spend their time wisely.
Im not judging. That life sounds great when youre young. But I dont want them to wake up at 35 and be even more depressed because they’ve never done anything in life.
It would be well and good if they were happy like this but they definitely aren’t. Im just not sure how someone like that could even integrate into society. I give them advice here and there and sometimes talk about jobs with them, but they are also self proclaimed “lazy” and never really branch out to try new things. I try to send them links to code camps and stuff like that i think they’ll enjoy, but they dont do it. I’ve offered to hang out with them when im their town (we’ve been friends for years and know each other very well so this isnt weird) but they cant drive either which makes ir hard.
I already know most replies wil be “ITS FINE TO HAVE A BORING LIFE LEAVE THEM ALONE AND STOP TRYING TO “SAVE” THEM” but a boring life is different than a healthy life, imo.
Edit: i knew there’d be a lot of misinterpretation and people self reflecting on their own lives as a result of this post. Regardless, I am glad for the discussion. Thank you to those of you who had constructive comments instead of outright attacks.
Don’t feel bad for them. Stop judging them while believing otherwise. Mind your own business and stop meddling. Consider that you might be engaging in ableism. Be their friend (if they are also friends to you) and enjoy your life with them when the opportunities present themselves. Don’t see anything you do as “enabling them” - it’s not your job to give them tough love or to intervene in any way, unless they are asking you specifically for help. In that case, it’s reasonable to set conditions or limits to the help you may choose to give them.
Not everybody is worried about achieving things in life or living in ways you approve of, their regret isn’t guaranteed, and there are always ways for them to start anew and to live with dignity e.g. like the people showcased on the CheapRVLiving YT channel.
Society isn’t healthy, so it may be wise to direct your energy towards improving it and encouraging others to do the same. Their level of integration into our incredibly unhealthy society is not a measure of their personal health.
That cheapRVliving channel saved me when I had to move and get away from abuse. Lived in my car for several months. Life is so much better now.
Glad to hear it! I’m happy you are in a better situation now.