Now I find the ideas are more important than the visuals, so even when visuals are involved it’s more about the scene or idea than just the visuals.

So, what you’re definitely definitely definitely saying is men should send unsolicited pictures of a warmly-lit room sprinkled with drinks and candles instead of their naked crotch.

Thanks for the fast and detailed reply!

I think we can’t choose to be binary or non-binary, just like cis people can’t choose to suddenly be the opposite sex and be trans.

I think it’s a bit more complex. I agree that there’s clearly a deep-seated aspect of identity below consciousness that can’t simply be changed through conversion.

On the other hand, I fit neatly into one of the two main sexes and most of my behavior comfortably fits the gender associated with it. Most people would consider me a plain old cis, so people don’t ask me about my gender. I casually identify as non-binary but this is ultimately political or philosophical, I don’t feel uncomfortable with the gender imposed on me by society, but nor does it feel validating or “right”. I just see the gender binary and its two genders as a factually incorrect model. If someone misgendered me, I’d only be offended if it was meant as an insult. If I crossdress, I don’t feel right or wrong. (I might be nervous that some idiot on the street will be offended and bother/attack me, but that’s external, that’s a society issue, not a me issue.)

And I wonder if this is a social product of my family and friends (relatively progressive, less traditional/religious, laid-back) or if, like you suggested, there’s a biological element to this which just isn’t strong in me, like how some asexual people are missing the sexual drive that most people have, perhaps I’m missing some gender link that is ‘normal’.

So, maybe my own experience leads me to be ignorant about experiences like yours, where gender identity is affirming.

While I can see there are many problems with gender, I don’t think trans people should feel primarily responsible for those problems.

I agree, certainly not! I hope I didn’t come of as suggesting binary identity was a horrible sin. I admit I’m being particular and nitpicky, even idealistic with this question. And exactly as you said we should grant trans people space in their struggle, which is in many cases a struggle for survival.

Are there any self-identities which you would consider invalid? Transracial identity? Otherkin? Insincere trans identity, such as the recent case of Liebich, a transphobic neo-Nazi who legally identified as a trans woman seemingly just to avoid men’s prison? Which of these should be contested and which should be validated?

I personally think transracial identity is particularly interesting when one considers that race is a fluid social concept rather than an objective concept like genetics (see how in the US and Europe different peoples have historically changed from being considered ‘black’ to being considered ‘white’ over time, see how a person can be considered a race in one society and a different race in another society, such as “mixed-race” people or people with ancestry from the edges of continents). Unfortunately most of the examples of transracialism I’m aware of are cases where deception or fame played a large part in compounding criticism, such as Dolezal and Korla Pandit, leading to claims of their transracial identity being exploitation.

To what degree do you believe is binary transgender identity appropriate? Does it validate the false gender dichotomy of the common mainstream binary model of gender (and sex)?

Is it unfair to see it as unfortunate and ignorant, or to see it as a realist mechanism to adapt gender transgression to a binary society? (e.g. where a society doesn’t have any real recognition of non-binary identity, or where it’s just easier for 99% of people to understand “M->F/F->M” over non-binary identity)