See this way of thinking has actually landed me in a pretty bad place with my mental health.

“I’m in charge of my own emotions” is not something an autistic person with rigid lines of thinking should internalise, but I did.

As a result I never gave myself permission to feel negative emotions, because who wants to feel negative about anything if they don’t have to?

It seemed so smart and healthy, just be happy, that’s what everyone always says about the easy fix to mental health. It was easy too, regardless what was happening around me, if I pictured myself feeling happy, I’d feel happy.

I’m in my 30s and regularly mistake sensations with other sensations (am I tired or do I need to pee? They both cause a headache) and also I think all my negative emotions are skipping my brain entirely and coming out my arse in the form of IBS.

I can’t picture myself feeling sad to experience sad because I …don’t remember what sad feels like.

I remember what vomiting feels like, because that’s how my body has reacted to “sad” recently.

This, if anything it might clarify a few confusing exchanges we’ve had in the past, and it will certainly help me be a better friend in the the future.

If I already know you, I know you, I’m choosing to be friends with you because of how you treat me and how you treat others when we hang out together. If I had any problems with that, I wouldn’t be friends long enough to hear you tell me about your NPD diagnosis.

Now that said, I’ve had friends tell me about a diagnosis and it shouldn’t change anything, but now that the diagnosis is out in the open they want it to change things and I can’t offer that to the friendship, such as compromising on my own boundaries (eg: I had a friend who after explaining their condition asked me to provide tone indicators for everything I say, but I have alexithymia so that was really difficult for me to do and I couldn’t adjust my behaviour to meet the new expectations of the friendship, so we faded out of each other’s lives, they told people I stopped being friends with them because of their anxiety disorder… No it’s because I couldn’t meet the changed expectations of the friendship, describing my emotions every minute is hard for me and I choose not to be friends with people who require me to do that for their comfort)

In Australia Google maps has issues with routing cyclists on 80km busy truck transit roads that have no bike lanes, footpaths or shoulders. You’ll regularly get stuck behind lost uber eats cyclists whose map took them through a motor vehicle only underpass.

The other day google maps decided to reroute me from a quiet, wide street with no bike lane that was otherwise perfectly safe, and tried to send me through a nightsoil alley, down a heritage stock run that was paved with cobblestones and crossed over a storm drain 4 times in a zig zag.

Yeah, “safer” because there’s no cars I guess, but not suitable for bikes at all.

I don’t think a stereotype can ever be constructive because it will always involve the need to be restrictive and limiting in order to be a stereotype.

I guess we need to question who benefits from the constructive stereotype.

“drivers can’t see you” is constrictive for pedestrians, and also drivers, but it’s not constrictive to the graffiti tagger who is trying to go unseen by passing cars (not that a tagger is being constructive in the first place)

Having had a defecography this is very similar to the encouragement the radiologist gave me…

On the point of driving whilst stoned. Confidence comes with experience

I can definitely understand what you mean by this, but I think a certain level of confidence also comes from tolerance.

I don’t drive at all, so can’t weigh in on that, but I cycle everywhere, and in my youth I would have never considered cycling while stoned, too risky, too dangerous, not fair or safe to others using the paths.

When I started smoking, I stuck by that statement, I’d give it a full 12+ hours between my last smoke and getting on the bike.

But just like your example, 12 hours became 8 hours, became 4 hours, and so on, where now I might have an smoke and 40 minutes later get on my bike to go somewhere.

But then I take a T break, and I pick up a new bag, and I have my first hit in a month or two, and I sit with that high for a while and think to myself “fuck no, I absolutely will not be getting on the bike any time soon, this tiny toke is too much to cycle on”

Then I’ll smoke heavily for the next month, and by the end of the month, my tolerance has increased, and I’m back to riding my bike while stoned (or rather, buzzed, because I’m just not capable of getting as high)

Do I feel guilty for these decisions because I know it’s a big risk? Yes. Do I keep doing it? Also yes.

But now that I’m in discussions with my doctor about medical dosing, it has raised a very important question - if I use medical marijuana to manage my chronic illness (the one that renders me medically unfit to drive) is the ethical and legal obligation of that treatment plan that I can never ride my bike again? I must always walk or take the bus? The same does not apply for people who use opiate based pain relief or therapeutic ketamine. They are warned not to drive if the meds make them impaired, but ultimately it’s their judgement to decide what is “impaired”. It will only be externally questioned if there is an accident or a near miss. If I am assessing my level of impairment before I ride stoned, how can I best ensure my capacity to ride in those moments?

Also answering OPs question, I think this applies to a lot of hobbies, but I notice it a lot as someone who likes to sew my own clothes - the pressure from others to constantly get better, try harder, and keep building those skills.

I do my hobby because it’s fun, sometimes it’s fun to learn new things about it, but sometimes I just want to stick with what I know and play in my comfort zone.

My dad will often look at things I’ve made this year and say “you made something almost identical 5 years ago, and your stitches are still skew wiff, haven’t you learned to blah blah yet?” because his expectation is that I will get better and better with every passing moment as I practice my hobby.

Similarly, people will tell me that I have “clearly got the skills to make xyz” and I should “challenge” myself. And sometimes I will, but most of the time I retreat to my hobbies because I don’t have to challenge myself if I don’t want to. I like my hobbies to be no pressure (I go to the gym to push myself, I go to my craft corner to relax)

You are allowed to dabble, fool around, play, and have fun with a hobby. You are allowed to decide that “getting better” isn’t the goal.

But it seems others will always question this, or suggest you somehow aren’t doing the hobby right, or enthusiastic enough about it if you’re only ever doing it on a surface level.

Just today, I managed to get hold of a second hand overlocker, I’m really excited to make things with it, and my co-worker who also sews said “oh that’s awesome, the quality of clothes you’re going to pull off now that you can surge! I can’t wait for the fashion show”. She meant that in the most positive way, and I know what she was trying to say so I thanked her and promised her to show her what I was making, but part of me definitely heard “if the quality of your final product doesn’t improve as a result of this, you’re bad at this hobby, now you have no excuse not to be better than you were before” even though she meant nothing of the sort, and a lot of that was internalised shame because of previous discussions with people who were genuinely questioning my lack of improvement.

I would already be living in a vehicle, but I can’t drive (low vision) so it’s never going to be an option for me.

About 10 years ago I was looking into bike towed campers as a security plan for an unstable housing situation, only to learn they are illegal to tow in my country. You can own one, sleep in one, and tow it on private property, but to move it from one property to another legally I’d need to pay someone with a car to put it in a car trailer, then unload my camper at the destination.

I’m hard of hearing and terrified of standing in the wrong place at an airport and missing the visual cues to board the flight. Once boarding starts and people start queueing up, I usually get in line because it’s helpful to see what everyone in front of me is doing - the order that they hand over paperwork or get carry on double checked. I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to hear the attendant if they ask me questions at the gate because it’s so noisy, so I like to at least feel like I’m prepared.

One time I was flying with crutches and qualified for early pre-boarding because I needed the plane wheelchair (skychair). I sat right next to the gate desk and waited, then I started seeing people queue up so I quickly joined the line, wondering how pre-boarding works when the whole plane of passengers are already vying to be at the front of the line.

I get to the front, the attendant looks at my ticket then after some awkward back and forward eventually I realised they were telling me I’ll have to wait till everyone has boarded to get the sky-chair on. I should have come to the desk when pre boarding was announced. I pointed that I was sitting right in front of them… Apparently they were called my name 3 times over the loudspeaker.

Apparently airports can only comprehend one disability at a time (if that!) they knew I was hard of hearing (it’s on my ticket) but still thought calling me over the PA was the best way to get the attention of the deaf person sitting 80cm from their desk.

So I sat back down and waited for the line to clear, then I got back up when there were 2 people in line, and after another back and forward I learned that they had tried calling my name again about halfway through boarding because they only had one skychair and it was now or never because the chair had told fly with the other passenger because their arrival airport didn’t have a chair, or something, I dunno, anyway I kind of had to crawl down the ailse to get to my chair because in the past I’ve just used the backs of chairs to swing myself along, but the plane was full so I couldn’t do that.

If you’ve been using weed pretty heavily for a while, I’d give it a month T break.

For me the first week is insomnia, muscle pain and brain fog worse than when I’m actually stoned, the second week is depressive symptoms and feeling “dopamine withdrawal” (ie: nothing is fun, nothing is motivating, everything is empty), hyperemesis/diarrhoea, and hypersomia.

It’s not until the third or fourth week of a T break that I feel human and begin to think “this is fine, I don’t need weed, it’s nice, but so is having some time off to be sober”

Unless they help you

I literally like don’t even know what you’re like talking about. I literally can’t even.

(I’ve just read further down the various responses to this question, and I’m now seeing “literally” overused in literally every other comment, my generation will literally never escape!)

I heard rumours that the new Stanley cup everyone was obsessed with for a week contained lead (not in contact with the inside of the cup, but still, why is lead there at all in 2024)

Was that rumour ever substantiated?

I’m not exactly super rich from med bills right now, but being physically well enough to do normal stuff would be a pretty bittersweet miracle.

Oh to just be told “it’s terminal, you’ve got 6 months, good news, you’ll have a surge of health before the end”

It’s not what I would hope for from my life, but it sounds nice to finally be able to just, stop.

No more chasing down GPs for refferals, no more calling specialists asking if they’ve sent over results and reports. No more weekly appointments trying to find the right medication. Most more confusion over “is this symptom something new that’s unrelated? Or Is it related? Will it be temporary? Is this symptom my new normal? Wait, is this a drug side effect?”

No more fighting with council to get ramp access to my house, no more stressing over how I will ever be able to afford the home care I’ll need for the extended duration I’ll need it on the income my disability limits me to.

No more looking at my mother and my auntie’s as they slowly crumble, while still being expected to suck it up and bear the responsibilities they always have. No more seeing the long, deteriorating future ahead of me reflected by my loved ones.

No more “oh, you’re chronically ill? have you tried drinking water and doing yoga?”

No more “you don’t look sick”

I’ve only got 6 months to have to put up with any of this, and then I’m gone.

I’d prefer to be alive, but I wouldn’t be upset at the universe if that’s the hand I was dealt.

6 months is a good time frame. Certainly beats getting hit by a bus tomorrow - who would look after me cat?

TL:DR - Ride my bike along a precarious but not terrible inner city suburb of Melbourne Australia. It takes about 10-15 minutes to go 4km. I have the option of a 25 minute riverside bike ride if I’m willing to give up my sleep in.

I live in an “inner suburb” of Melbourne Australia, and I work at a community centre just a few tiny city suburbs away, 4km.

I have an e-bike that I use as my primary vehicle, because of the way my migraine disorder manifests and overlaps with another condition, I can’t drive a car. So I’ve learned how to get by completely carless - living in the inner city suburbs helps so I’m privileged in that regard. But the ebike has been a game changer.

Before covid I had a job about 6km away and I was wasting so much money on buses and uber, it was two buses and an awkward connecting power-walk that meant frequent missed connections and also pushed me just over onto the more expensive ticket because of how our public transport fee system works. So I would lazily uber to work several times a week. And since I was working part time, it wasn’t even worth it some days when I had a 2 hour shift. ~40% of my pay cheque would go to ubering to work.

Then covid hit and our state went into lock down. The community centre ran a food bank so my 2 or 3 hour part time shifts became 12 hour days as demand increased but staffing couldn’t. I’d always miss the last bus, and uber drivers were few and far between. I tried riding my bike but the 12km return trip was just a bit too far on top of the 12 hour day, so I bought an ebike.

I got a new job, closer, and a very nice ride. I have multiple route options, one of which is a gorgeous separated shared pedestrian-cycle path that follows the local river which I often ride home - I finish at the optimum dog walking time so I get to meet so many puppies on my leisurely ride home. But it’s very slow (because of all the dogs which aren’t supposed to be off leash, but are) so, my preferred route to work is the fast way. It cuts right through the the town centre, it’s an old industrial dock town so it’s pretty highly developed but never highly invested in, meaning the roads are horrible and full of trucks. But the council are working on it, and in the last few years they’ve installed some halfway decent bike infrastructure. The danger is worth the 15 minutes it saves me in the morning.

But are those like a hot coffee dispenser, where you grab a cup and put it under a spout, push a button and it pours out a hot drink? Because we do have those in Australia.

But in Japan they have vending machines for canned drinks and cans of soup that are heated.

I think it depends what you’re trying to learn - I’m slowly teaching myself to use Excel beyond the highschool level understanding I have. It’s easy enough to fact-check ChatGPT because the formula either works or it doesn’t. And I’m not to fussed if everything I learn to do is a total bodge job, because it’s just for my personal development, it’s not something I need for work or doing any serious spread sheeting.

Same, every time I’ve had a general aesthetic the anaesthesiologist has sat down near my arm, asked if I’m ready, and when I say “yup” he says some medical jargon to the anesthetist/resp nurse, then warns me that it’s going to feel cold and taste funny, he connects a bolus syringe to my IV bung and as he’s pushing tells me to count down from ten, and the anesthetist grabs my head gently as the anaesthesiologist moves around towards my head and presumably grabs some other instruments ready to intubate.

My record is 7. But next time I’m going to try counting faster - not sure why but I’d always try to time it to actual seconds.

For GA, I’ve never been given a gas mask while awake, maybe it’s to do with “rapid induction”, I’m not 100% sure what that is, only that every anaesthesiologist I’ve had has said he’s going to “rapidly induce” because my connective tissue disorder indicates the need to. I never really questioned it.

The only time I’ve been given a mask while being told to count was when I was going under twilight sedation for a colonoscopy. as they were administering the IV, they also gave me a mask that was unexpectedly strawberry “flavoured” and I had a panic attack as I was going under because my grandma is allergic to strawberries, I’m not, but in my semi lucid state I forgot I wasn’t and started mumbling about being allergic to air.

(I’ve only ever had male anaesthesiologists, so apppogies for only using male pronouns to describe the doctor)

Growing up with stage 4 water restrictions, the shower bucket and kitchen jug was a standard in our state.

The kitchen jug was used as potable water, we’d keep it handy for boiling pasta. The strained pasta water would be cooled and used to flush the toilet.

The shower drain, and laundry drain was connected to a grey water tank which was used for watering plants and the toilet cistern (which had a brick in it, because even though we already had a duel flush system, every drop counted) I remember having to swap to special shampoo to avoid ruining the grey water.

Occasionally dad would reroute the shower hose because he was just having a “quick rinse” (eg, no soap or shampoo) and he’d fill a separate drum that he’d then use to wash the car. Washing your car was banned unless you used grey water.

We still occasionally got a fine for using too much water for a household of our size.

As a kid I didn’t really understand that this was an environmental issue, we kept it up long after the water restrictions were lifted so I thought it was just dad being frugal.

So when I moved out I just continued with my water saving habits, but it turns out water is really cheap when there isn’t an active drought, and living in a share house with 10 other people who didn’t have the same water saving habits quickly killed the shower bucket and kitchen jug.

Now that it’s just me and my partner, I should reintroduce the shower bucket. My plants would love it.

I teach IT for seniors (basically a class room full of your Nan asking how her phone works) and I 100% agree with both of your points.

For experienced users, a lack of distinct buttons, and the use of icons only has the potential to slow you down.

For new users, learners, and people with cognitive or visual impairment these features make websites and apps boarderline In-usable.

It’s very hard to teach people how to use a computer when I must first teach them an endless codex of icons and symbols, and train them to mouse over anything and everything in case it’s a button.

Like wise, companies like Google need to stop being cute with confirmation buttons that say “got it” or “I’m in”. Stick to basics like “okay” and “agree”, because a lot of IT students in community education are non-English speaking, so indirect buttons like this are even more confusing. And for those of us who are fluent in English, we’re often scanning a page for specific text, and we’re even less likely to recognise a button is a button if the text on it is something that has never traditionally been put on a button.