I don’t know what your experience was like, I want to make it clear that how I handled my stuff def wouldn’t work for everyone.
For me, I found that it was hard to find a healthy relationship because I was attracted to and attracted abusers. It took me going open poly and having a lot of casual, relaxed, and actually intimate encounters with people to over-ride my insecurity and lack of self-worth. I was in an open poly relationship with two wonderful people for about 4 years, and had casual fleeting relationships with people throughout.
I learned how to set boundaries. I learned the language I needed to express those boundaries. I learned how to communicate my needs, and how to process experiences in a healthy way. I learned that there are no perfect people; that everyone has damage.
I also started doing “the work” by Dr. Robert Gibson. Its a series of 48 tapes that guide you through a process of introspection, so that you can face the hard stuff and move forward. It can be scary to look inward, and a lot of people avoid doing so and throw themselves into distractions. I did that for years, and I still struggle with it sometimes. If you look for the tapes, I warn you that they are framed in a pseudo-spiritual fashion, if that happens to be triggering.
At some point, I got to a place where I could identify what I wanted in a relationship. What I needed, even. I went out and found it, and am now engaged another four years later.
I genuinely hope you find a way through that works for you. Big hugs <3
I can’t tell if you’re joking, this is something I would say if I were trolling. Just in case you’re serious: If they have human authors they are created with EXPLICIT consent. That’s how fiction works xD That’s like condemning all fiction literature because the people in the stories were forced into horrible situations for the sake of the plot.