This is just my opinion and personal experience, but people that really want a child don’t really debate with themselves over whether they should have a child or a pet. Yea, it’s a big, expensive, and rideable pet, but that seems to be what it boils down to. Based on that, I’m feeling that you don’t want a kid.
I only listen to something if I’m having trouble turning off my thoughts. In those cases, I listen to the Let’s Read YouTube channel.