I can’t find people to form relationships with.
How am I supposed to find a friend or even a partner, if I can’t find anyone to talk to long-term to form relationships?
Where are the other people looking for friends or partners?
How to solve this puzzle?
You already posted this on another thread and I like what they said.
Find something you like doing, then join a local group that does it. Can be anything.
And another said volunteering.
You replied:
Bro, I need a starting point. And I don’t like chess and people at the gym seem to be only there to exercise and leave as soon as possible. I need a effective solution.
The first step is an inward journey, figuring out who you are and what you enjoy/like. First you need to be comfortable with yourself, and then other people will come around.
Your starting point is you. What do you like, what do you enjoy doing, and if you don’t know, well there’s the problem right there. There are 8 billion people on this planet right now, the people are there. If you don’t know what you enjoy, how are you supposed to find enjoyment?
As I said in the other thread, the activities that I enjoy does not have groups.
So that rests me to square 1, where do I start?
No, you argued and shot down every idea. Let’s take the bar one, you said:
A. There only to drink. B. Are not comfortable knowing new people and only there with their friends or family. C. Very self focused, that they are uninterested into pursuing other activities
So going into this you had a very negative outlook and ignored that you gave a very narrow view. Obviously you assumed a lot about people and what they thinking, and you shut yourself out before ever saying hello. I know this one to be false because I am someone who loves going to a bar, sitting down at the bar, and starting small talk. Sure if you walk up to a group of people you’re going to get weird looks, but I’ve met some very interesting people while sitting on a barstool and just chatting.
This is just one example. I could go to all of the others too, but the point is is that you have a very negative outlook. I go back to what I said, the first step is to find your own personal joy, what gives you enjoyment. I say it’s not that you’re lonely, it’s that you don’t know yourself. You start by looking inward, and learning who you are.
you assumed a lot about people and what they thinking, and you shut yourself out before ever saying hello
This is it right here. Do not do this, Op.
You have no idea what’s in someone’s head anymore than anyone knows what’s in yours. It’s a self fulfilling failure.
There is no group activity that you think you would find enjoyment in?
If so, why do you want friends? If you had friends, what would you want to do with them if you hate all group activities?
Yeah, I think you’re off-putting to other people. I get that you’ve tried stuff, but were you letting others talk? Were you obviously rolling your eyes at people? Were you shutting people down instead of keeping an open mind?
People are being nice here, but I think you need it spelled out. I’ll do it in order of importance at the top.
- Don’t be a dick
- Don’t be a dick
- Ask questions
- Listen to their answers and respond accordingly
- Don’t judge other people
I’m sure there are plenty of activities that you could enjoy but never thought of. Try joining a sports club that isn’t a gym, or a board games club, or a book club, anything really. It doesn’t have to be something that you currently do or that you already enjoy, you can also try expanding your hobbies by thinking of cool stuff you’d like to do but never got around to try
You could also join to classes where you can learn things. Pottery, knotting, painting.
Look for RC tracks, or warhammer, or train terrain building, or go and sit next to an airport / train station where you can watch planes /trains - there will be other people.
Meet up groups for free yoga in the park or hiking or even AA meetings if you want to avoid alcohol.
Get into cosplay, anime. Or even be a furry. As the other commenter says first step is you.Time to find some new activities if meeting people is a priority then I think. Which isn’t to say it will be easy to do but neither are most things worth doing that improve our material existence.
I started doing a beginner’s hip hop dance course. I would have never started doing dance courses solely to learn some dance moves, but the need for socialization was a great motivator to invest in improving this skill of mine.
Interest groups. Hobbies. Travel. Volunteers. Book clubs. That sort of thing. Cast your net wide enough and you are sure to get someone.
If you aren’t interested in cultivating more social hobbies, you could always get outside and people watch.
I got for walks and just being around other people and knowing they’re there. Helps a bit with the loneliness.
Sign up for a Pilates membership. Go regularly. Seek to make friends. Work on improving yourself in that class. The group will likely be mostly women. Now, your goal is NOT to find a mate in that class. Don’t be a creep. Embrace your inner warmth and genuinely and build friendships. Don’t fake this. Those women know other women that are looking for a mate, and would recommend you if you can be a genuine human being.
with purpose
