I was just a kid, get off my back!
I couldn’t be a used car salesman. I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to sell someone a lemon.
Because they did not feel the same and telling them would have just made things awkward. Sadly/fortunately not everyone is gay
If everyone was gay the human race would cease to exist. I like my nephew. I imagine most like their kids. If we were all gay there would be no kids.
Adam and eve had 3 sons…
…and a daughter.
Yuck.
Often it’s because I’m just too afraid because the person is ridiculously good looking that I don’t think I have a chance, rejection always sucks. I’ve been with an attractive person or two in my time, so I know it’s not impossible, I’m ok-ish on a good day, but I know I’ll be so… distracted by their good looks that I probably won’t have anything intelligent to say.
There’s also the chance that either of us is in a relationship or workmates, which just isn’t a good mix and eventually leads to problems. Otherwise, I wish casual sex was just a common thing that people just did without any stigma attached to it (assuming STDs weren’t so rampant and safe sex was also just as common).
I wish casual sex was just a common thing that people just did without any stigma attached to it
ugh. Move to Portland. Most people here just sleep around and have no intentions of ever being in a real relationship.
Personally I hate that. But I guess it sure does work for a lot of people.
Because there are so many easier, safer, less awkward ways to check if someone likes me back or not. And if it turns out they do, I don’t need to confess anything, I just set up dates, or do nice things for them and see where that takes us.
Do you mean you just ask people out? like no fear and you’re just always sure?
What? I’m never sure about anything these days. I just feel “I’ve always wanted to try this restaurant, would you be interested” is better than “I have to confess something … I’m totally attracted to you” That being said I’m in a committed relationship right now and it started with just spending time together naturally.
Because there are so many easier, safer, less awkward ways to check if someone likes me back or not
Oh you said this. So I thought maybe you just knew when someone liked you. Like a tell during a poker game.
I’m just in a situation where social norms where I live dictate that I shouldn’t ask someone out so I was hoping for insight on how to tell if someone is actually interested or not. Without straight up asking.
I may not have a lot of experience but there are definitely signs for both sexes. Notice how your behaviours have changed toward someone after you were into them, then sex swap to think similarly. Generally the interested party wants more interaction with the counterparty but there must be more.
Where I live, most people go by gender, not sex.
The person I’m into is very androgynous so there isn’t like, a tell tale sign. I don’t think they really do anything that’s either male or female.
They’re not gay.
Because I was married to someone else. She was also married.
This.
I am married for longer than a decade, yet my instincts still develop a crush on random good looking women. I don’t tell anyone because I will feel ashamed by moral standards. I also won’t make a move on any one and painfully waiting for the feeling to wear off or the person to move away.
The time before, I got laughed out of the room.
I decided not to confess to a coworker because I had learned that lesson the hard way at a previous job. I figured it would be better to not mix work and dating. Unfortunately as time went on I grew infatuated with this coworker and it took a combination of meditation, medication, and real intense personal work to realize that my infatuation was really just my mind’s way of trying to distract me from my own anxiety and depression. So I focused on that and ended up getting a better job and meeting someone who was such a significantly better match for me.
I’ve tried 4 times, 1 was a complete rejection that nearly ruined a friendship, the second was a weird soft-rejection that led to a friends relationship that felt a lot like I was taking advantage of this person. That ended when they moved away.
The other two led to relationships, one lasted a month and ended with me getting dumped. Second is my current girlfriend.
All of these happened within a year, starting when I was 22. Before that first rejection I had never made a move on anyone because I had 0 self confidence and could only see women as sexual objects. The girl who first rejected me was the first one that I liked for genuine reasons, which allowed me to change the way I looked at women. I now have a lot of female friends and hardly ever think about women I see in a sexual way, when 2 years ago I couldn’t see a woman without thinking that way. I owe a lot to the girl who rejected me, and we are now friends again, for which I am grateful.
The girl who first rejected me was the first one that I liked for genuine reasons, which allowed me to change the way I looked at women
Was there anything she did specifically that made you look at women as a whole differently?
She talked to me without me having to strike up the conversation, that was a huge part of it. She was really easy to talk to, and friendly to everyone. She was passionate about the same things as me, and got me out doing things that were beyond my comfort zone. Basically, she was a human being who treated me like an equal human being. There was no disgust at my presence, or laughing at my awkwardness. Those had been the things I was afraid of prior to that.
Thanks. This is super insightful for me as a woman.
After being friends with her for a year, one year less than the amount of time I had a massive crush on her, I asked her out. She rejected me, but we agreed to stay friends and she assured me that nothing happened and we can continue like before. However, I now feel like I’m being used (or how do you say it). She doesn’t talk to me as much, only contacts me when she has a tech problem. That doesn’t seem like a friendship. When I confronted her, she said she wasn’t ghosting me, stopped for like a week, then continued.
I still think about her every day.
Ah, man, this hurts a lot. It appears that you were keen in helping her with whatever kind of problems, personal or business, but she wasn’t in a reciprocal place.
Sometimes after a failed confession, the reality of course doesn’t match your expectation. I just ask myself that if it’s someone else, what I would expect from them in the response of friends helping each other out. She might truly be using you, or anyone who fell into her trap.
I’m not saying she’s an abusive woman but those definitely exist. Glad you made your way out.
I never had to confess, she knew. And I knew she liked me back. But she could never bring herself to go for it, over fear of ruining the friendship. But her refusal to go for it made it so that over time the friendship was ruined anyways from me feeling jerked around/used.
I was a mess and even though we were both hot to trot I did not want to enter into a relationship before getting my shit together.
It’s been a few decades now but I’m sure that one day I will… not sure my wife will understand though 😂
going through this rn, but congrats on finding some peace with it
In my case, and in retrospect, it was in large part caused by undiagnosed ADHD and autism.
From a single sentence I wouldn’t be able to say one way or the other whether it’s something that affects you, but it was immensely helpful to look at a series of videos about “Adult ADHD” on YouTube. It became clear that a major portion of my issues could be attributed to my lack of knowledge about myself and these issues.
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I wanted kids of my own and she didn’t. It never would have worked.
