So I met this girl by chance and we really hit it off, once I learned of her age I decided to just be friends as I think that 19 to 25 is an age were we mature a lot and I remember myself as a 19yo and I was not mature enough to be a good partner and to be good to myself.
I talked to a female friend of mine and she said that I’m over thinking it and that I should ask her out and be open minded, and so I did and we are going on a date soon.
The thing is, she seems really mature but I can’t put aside the age gap.
Am I over thinking it? Should I really just take it slow and just be vigilant about the situation and notice if this isn’t healthy for me or her?
Or should I let her down easy and continue as friends?
Update: We went on a date and it was great, I read all of the comments and there were some really good advices that I took to heart. I will take things slow and try to be as aware of the situation as possible. I hope it will go well :)
Thank you everyone!
You are right to consider the age gap, I would say the best bet for you to mitigate your concerns is to not put any sort of commitment in place until she’s old enough that you’re not concerned about the age gap anymore.
At 19 years old, you’re not even old enough to drink if you’re interested the US. I would probably say give her until 22 before you do anything that’s going to evolve any sort of commitment or possible long-term consequence for either of you. In the meantime, there’s nothing wrong with some low commitment dating.
Thank you! This is a really interesting tip!
I met a woman once when I was 27, and we really clicked. She was amazing, fun to talk to, and beautiful. But then I found out she was only 19 years old and I nearly ended it. I didn’t, because we got along so well.
I’m 43 now. She’s 35. We’ve been married for 14 years. She is still amazing, fun to talk to, she has an incredible green thumb and she’s grown awesome stuff for us to eat. She nursed a sick chicken back to life last week. The only nights we don’t have sex are the nights we are recovering from a marathon session in bed. She has deep green eyes and beautiful long legs.
So based on my anecdotal “evidence”, I say go for it.
You’re 100% overthinking it. If you like her and she’s into the idea, date her - more to the point, get to know her in that context.
If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. But I mean, I’ve been with my partner for 14 years (married for 8 of them) with a 7 year age gap, meeting at the opposite end of our 20s. Sometimes it works.
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Thanks for your opinion, can you elaborate?
Half your age, plus seven. If you’re 25 that’s 12.5+7=19.5. You’re good to go.
Half your age + 7 is literally from a comedy movie. It’s not a hard and fast rule.
Eh, it’s a good rule still.
80/2=40, +7=47
Not sure if good…
It works well up until the DiCaprio Inflection Point (ie ~30).
If a 47 year old is gonna date someone who’s 80, what grounds would you have to say that isn’t ok?
Once you reach that age you can pretty much do what you want. I think if you can pull a 47 year old at 80, you should be good to go.
What movie? I’ve heard the rule but never the source.
OP is full of shit. Maybe it was in a movie, but it’s not FROM a movie
Half your age plus seven is an unofficial rule of romance often credited to French author Max O’Rell (Léon Paul Blouet) in his 1901 love manual with the incredibly romantic title of Her Royal Highness Woman and His Majesty Cupid.
it’s fine, that gap isn’t bad at that age. 22 and 16 would be a different story…
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You might be missing some critical information…
I know, give us some hair colors…
Like pretty much everyone else said, your relative positions in life matter. A 25 year old who’s already on their second job and making $125k/year should almost certainly not be dating someone who lives with their parents and is about to start their second semester of college.
Also like many people alluded to, the age gap matters less when you’re older. There’s not a lot of difference between a 35 year old and 30 year old, but there’s a huge difference between a 10 year old and 5 year old.
I guess our situation is similar to what you describe in the first paragraph.
Check to see if there is a power differential here.
Are you an established adult with a Real Job and a nice apartment while she is struggling to figure out how to get out from under the thumb of her controlling family? Or is she happily making her own way in the world as a small farmer or boat salesperson or something while you have been futzing around painting skateboards and playing in a minor punk band?
Older people dating younger people can be wrong because it is easy for the older person to have too much power in the relationship. If you have something she really wants or needs that you can provide or withdraw at will or as a condition of the relationship, you should not date.
Wtfh why do you pretend like people can’t be nice if there is a power differential? A couple with a moderate power differential like you describe is only a problem if the powerful one decides to be a dick about it; it’s literally fine as long as they are a nice person and can commit to not taking advantage.
Yeah, probably more of a ‘proceed with caution’ rather than a flat no.
Plus in any relationship there are wants and needs being met by the relationship that would be withdrawn if the relationship were to end. Mutual benefit is why you get into a long term relationship in the first place.
I guess there is some of that but I think that if I take it slow and let her be her own person outside the relationship (as we all should) it should be less of an issue
The fact that you are talking about "letting"her be her own person outside the relationship sort of implies that she might not have already figured out how to do that on her own.
People are right to wave red flags here, but are also right that it isn’t necessarily the age that is the potential problem.
Make sure she knows how to be an independent adult with her own career, hobbies, and motivations, or you get into unpredictable territory.
You’re good on the age. Everyone is different. My wife was more mature than me at that age and was also around six years younger than me. Best decision ever for me to ask her out and eventually marry her. Been together 15 years now and just had our first child and couldn’t be happier.
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Is that a math question?
It has infinite solutions
People can be pretty immature at 40 also.
And not every relationship has to be the last one. You learn from every relationship.
Thank you!
This is something that I still struggle with but I’m coming to terms with the fact that you just can’t magically land on the perfect person for you and that means that most of your relationships will break before you find someone to really go the distance with.
USAian society has probably told you there is some kind of formula to calculate whether it’s alright. Fuck that. Treat her like a human, not some input to a formula. Be decent, communicate, and if she’s fine with it and likes you, that’s all that matters. Society shouldn’t come between you and another human.
That’s the formula that this commenter recommended to fuck.
Can formulas consent?
Yeah, there’s really nothing wrong with a 50 year old dating a 19 year old. Age is just a number. There’s no power imbalance there or expectations. It’s perfectly healthy for the 19 year old to get into a long term relationship where their partner is going to be 70 before they’re 40.
Or, maybe, half your age + 7 is a good rule. It’s pretty lenient.
Way to treat another human like an input to formula. Good job
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At 18 we let people vote on the direction of the entire nation. We let them buy houses and go into debt for life. We let them die in war for their country. Most places in the world let them drink and get married. Of all of these rights, the absolute least of them is the right to fuck whichever other adult they choose. I cannot understand the utter insanity of thinking one is responsible enough to vote but not have sex. If you don’t think they’re responsible enough to have sex then they’re sure as shit not responsible enough to everything else.
18 year olds are adults. It’s time we stop infantilising them. People used to get married much younger than even that. If they want to fuck an older person, more power to them.
Yeah its not illegal for an 18 year old to date a 50 year old. You can still recognize that the 50 year old in this case is a creep.
No bank will give a home loan to an 18 year old that doesn’t have income. They will happily give them a student loan and saddle them in debt for life though because the loan can’t be discharged. That scenario is legal and is also rightfully criticized.
You say let them die in a war like thats a feature and something the teenager wants. Governments would conscript younger teens if they could get away with it.
That formula is French
I thought in France the formula was your age x 0 + 15
Lol, it’s from a comedy, it was never meant to be serious.
I’m French and never heard about it from French people. It’s always brought up by Americans.
This is not in the USA so 18 is a legal adult who can drink
Not in Europe. Drinking age is 18.
Nothing wrong with it. when youre 30 and she is still young and hot youll be happy you made that decision.
Really not the point here, also I don’t date for looks and couldn’t care less when and how her body ages, its all about the person for me.
Then date a 40 old with kids.
Maybe I will :)
When youre over there washing up for the night and you notice she already has mens body wash in her shower. Thats because youre part of a roster of men.
Cool, maybe we can all be friends!
