There’s no shame in changing your mind, there is no shame in needing help, there is no shame in self improvement, try to love yourself as a whole and work towards changing the things you don’t love.
That changing your mind is so key. Often times people attach personal value to opinions as though they’re related.
The ego gets involved when it should fuck right off.
Sometimes people around them don’t make it any easier. If people around a person immediately show contempt to a person who admits they were wrong, it enforces a microculture where change is going to be harder and more painful than necessary.
This is a real problem with changing your mind.
I can’t believe how many times I’ve been told I’ve changed when I no longer found something funny or said something that I wouldn’t have in my teen years.
One of the longest-running opinions of mine that hasn’t been disproved yet is that many people just don’t really mature or age mentally, it seems; they just grow older, without accumulating much if any wisdom.
Some grow wiser, but one of the lessons of my 20s has been you have to do it on purpose. I’m not wiser than I was 5 years ago on accident.
You can also love the parts you’re going to change, as you change them. You don’t have to turn off the love to do surgery.
That’s very true. I routinely change the parts of me I love. I try to make them better. I’m a kind and loving person, but I’m trying to change that from a selfless form to a self preserving form. To know my limits and stop pouring from an empty cup.
You can even love the parts you are saying goodbye to. Not improving, but eliminating. You never have to turn off the love at all ever for anything.
30 is hurtling at me like a train, so may as well say my bit while I still qualify.
Learn to swallow your ego, and pride, and “seniority”. There’s plenty of people younger than you that are wildly intelligent and truly want to make the world a better place. Let those people take up space. Let young organizers spread their wings. Put your desires to be important aside and help empower the next generation. Feeling valued by the broader society and being allowed to be important can help young people participate and learn to socialize, especially with some of their formative years being ravaged by social media and Covid.
What about those of us who are older who were never given that chance when we were young?
We finally have a real opportunity and its our time to step aside?
Cool, cool, so the Boomers never let us have a chance at anything and now that they are all finally fucking dying, the next generation is like “we know you never actually got a chance but get the fuck out our way.”
That being said, there’s plenty of smart and capable youth out there who deserve a chance, it just stinks to be part of a lost generation that never got one.
I think the point of the comment you replied to was to share space and allow the younger generation to flourish in ways that our generation never did. Break the cycle. This doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself for younger people, the world is big enough for all of us.
Yes, exactly! Thanks for clarifying that for me!
Cheers, that’s hopefully the way we can make it work.
If there’s one thing that often bugs me about my peers, it’s the unwillingness to learn from someone younger than you. Plenty of young people know all kinds of shit I’ve never known and they grew up in a world with access to more accurate information and education, so things I was taught in my childhood may be wrong.
For example, since I don’t have kids of my own, until recently I was totally unaware that there was a chickenpox vaccine. I was one of the last generations of ‘chicken pox parties’ where they just tried to get entire classes of kids to get it all at once so they wouldn’t get it at a more dangerous age.
Young people will almost always have access to new and useful information we may not.
If I see they’ve accomplished something I haven’t, I listen. So long as they’re not shitty about it.
It’s not hard to find young people who have accomplished what I haven’t.
Absolutely. I’ve got a younger dude that works for me and he teaches me so much on the daily, it’s pretty rad.
There’s a chickenpox vaccine? Huh, TIL. I remember my chickenpox party lol, it seemed so weird at the time to be made to hang out with other kids that were sick with the intent of getting sick.
I’ve never been valuable to the world. But now I’ve gone through a bunch of shit and know things people who haven’t been through that shit don’t know.
Should I try to share that? I’m not really done trying to be helpful, you know? I haven’t spread my own wings yet, despite being old.
So should I just give up to make space for young people who want to feel that, or should I chime in with what I’ve learned.
Guys, younger than 30 giving tipps to older than 30. Younger to older.
Why is everyone giving relationship advice as if it were the reverse?
Bc ppl under 30 think about relationships alot.
They didn’t teach reading comprehension back in the age of steam, I guess. /s
this was an interesting thought, OP. a shame nobody seems to have understood the assignment
If something or someone makes you feel bad, get it or them out of your life.
Find contentment within yourself if you want a healthy relationship.
Let go of things and don’t let your ego control you.
Knocking on the door of 40. I spent this week moving into my own new place after a decade of toxicity, so this one resonates with me as well.
BUT: differentiate between a person who makes you feel bad, and a person who makes you realize your conscience feels bad.
Learn to differentiate challenge from raw toxicity. Generally speaking, if someone is challenging you in a healthy way, then talking about it with them results in you feeling healthier and stronger. If talking about it with them just makes you feel sick and broken, it’s probably more toxic than useful.
Your family and friends shouldn’t constantly hurt you. If they make you feel like crap, flush em down.
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Give less of a shit of what your peers will think of you, do your own thing as much as you’re able. And also read leftist shit, be it Marx or Goldman, that will make you a better person overall.
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You realize 31 year olds were only 10 when YouTube came out? They have lived nearly their whole lives with it. Why do so many people under 30 think anyone over 30 is 50 years old?
When someone is having a computer problem I ask them to restart first. Not because I think they don’t know to do it, but just in case. Some people don’t know. Sometimes people forget. Obvious advice is useful sometimes.
Dude my mom is 60 and uses youtube all the time, why do people also think 60 is 89?
Now my (now dead) 89yo relatives? Yeah they didn’t use youtube, one of them had a rotary phone until the phone company stopped supporting them in like 2009 and then he had no phone and no internet until the day he died. Had to drive to his house or send him a letter.
Lmao i bet he was like “fuck those phone companies”
He was indeed lol. We bought him a tracphone too, and he refused to hook it up (or let us do so.) He was great lol.
You were in grade school when this was made.
Just because you don’t understand something within the first 5 seconds doesn’t mean it’s stupid.
Also information changes on a daily basis. Just because someone gave you different information than what you were taught doesn’t mean they were taught wrong. Look it up.
As a 30+ person, this hits true. I heard my first friend say “the crap music these kids are listening to”. Like dude, have just some self awareness, remember our parents saying green day and blink -182 were crap.
I would add to this that we don’t need to understand something for there to be value to others. There are trends I don’t understand, like dancing on tiktok, but it apparently brings the youths joy so have at it.
There are trends I don’t understand, like dancing on tiktok, but it apparently brings the youths joy so have at it.
It’s actually called tap dancing, and if you think of that as a youths thing you’re older than dirt.
As a 40+ person, I strongly agree with my young colleague here.
Listen to what you want, kids. Enjoy it. And don’t let anyone tell you you’re wrong about it.
As Common once put it, “If I don’t like it, I don’t like it, that don’t mean that I’m hatin’.”
The advice-for-kids thread is elsewhere. This is an advice for old people thread.
Indeed, but this particular sub-thread started with an OP giving advice to older people, and is now older people responding to that comment. These aren’t top level comments, so let the conversation go where it may.
Loving this chain. Also over 30. I get frustrated that what older generations used to spout about Millenials like me (lazy, don’t want to work, etc) gets spouted by my generation to gen z.
I’ve seen some Gen Z kids do some bad things, but I’ve also seen them do amazing things my generation would not have done.
As far as music, I love all the variety there is and all the mediums to listen to it now.
Well, less people are listening new releases each year, more are listening old songs…
Tbf some of the popular music has been shit since music began I’m sure, but there’s also always good stuff. For instance rap music, most of it these days is garbage like lil uzi and lil peep, but there’s still dudes like Aesop Rock (not ASAP Rocky, Aesop Rock), Run The Jewels, Meyhem Lauren, Lil Nas X, making good shit out there. Pop hasn’t been good since the 80s though. Oddly enough I think my favorite stuff from “now” is actually the fact that shoegaze is coming back but called zoomergaze and it’s fantastic! The band Julie is a good example, check out their EP Pushing Daisies. Also there’s been some really good recent country, namely Charley Crockett and Sturgil Simpson, and (ok it’s psychedelic bluegrass but) Billy Strings.
There is good stuff, we just have to dig through piles of shit for it.
Then they already know the radio has been pumping out pure drivel and oldies since the advent of RoboDJs? My mistake, didn’t mean to musicsplain.
Edit: OH but I should qualify it: J-pop and K-pop are putting out some decent stuff, just not KISSFM™ and IHeartRadio™ which are equivalent to all American pop radio.
I just turned 30 and I am pretty sure a woman is not worth it if she does not provide you peace at home and is constantly looking for drama and conflict. Spent my youth chasing lost causes
As a guy at least in my experience, whenever I leave home I am faced with constant criticism and I have come to the realization that I simply do not have the capacity for it at home as well
I’m only a few years older than you, but I agree. And I’ll also say that some (respectful) criticism at home is ok, and if I’m honest, should be expected.
We’re all not perfect and can’t expect to get nothing but praise or adoration from our partners, nor should it be expected of us. But all criticism should come from a place of love and respect; it’s not your partner against you about a problem, it’s you and your partner against a problem.
Healthy relationships require hard conversations like that, but no one deserves to be in a relationship where they can’t feel comfortable to be themselves without being attacked for it (with some obvious exceptions).
As a stone-age person on Lemmy (47) allow me a response please.
First of all, I agree with you. Spent my 20s going through the motions thinking “maybe I just won’t meet someone I can bear to be with in the long term”.
And then I met her.
But in some respects she also met me at the right time. My assumptions about what I needed to help fix changed. My way of talking to women about their day, their challenges, their ambitions slowly morphed. So I don’t know if “she was perfect for me” or I had finally learnt how the differences between biological males and biological females drove how we communicated, what we needed and expected from each other, allowed me to finally commit to a long term relationship. We’ve been together for 17 years, married for 15. She drives me mad at times, and most days she wants to strangle me slowly, but despite all those small details, we also make each other laugh till we can’t breathe, we agree on almost everything (probably why the small disagreements become so “important”), we manage to parent four kids relatively well and when we finally find the time to have a day by ourselves, I am reminded why I fell in love with her.
I guess I’m trying to tell you that it might still happen to you too.
fucking relax, take a break sometimes, let time fly and just don’t give a shit
“but I have responsibilities!!!”
fuck em, put your legs up on the coffee table and I dunno… just stop and think about the minute shit around you. or reminisce. have you called jon recently? fuuuuck man you should hit him up. ohhh you can’t arrange a date to meet? then fucking get that one day yourself to meet with him whenever he can
i see so many people over 30 be overworked, overstressed and downright complacent with all the shit they have to go through
just fuck it all for at least one day man, cause if that’s what life’s supposed to be then i don’t wanna get old, just to be surrounded by those who are letting all of life’s bullshit control every little fiber of them
I’ve thought about this from time to time. Have we been kind of a neurotic generation? I could never tell if it was just me that was seeing things or what. The under 30s seems more indifferent. Might be because they are mostly the children of Gen-X? Are over 30s a bit uptight? How did we end up this way?
From personal experience growing up so many kids were obsessed with the rat race from way too young. That whole mindset that you must to university to get all your credentials to fit yourself into a cookie cutter. The defacto life track until the illusion started to crack.
All in all I think the over 30 generation has a really hard time with self reflection. In particular talking about the faults of our own generation. Which is paradoxical against the whole mental health awareness stuff.
This is interesting - not the advice itself, but for what it suggests under-30s think the over 30s are like, which is that they’re people who’ve not read nearly enough self-help books from the table at the front of the book store.
I am 30 years old. Ask me anything.
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What new body pains have you found?
I swear it was like a switch for me
Previous injuries I had when I was young. Like my knee from a baseball injury a long time ago. They just randomly flare up now. But brand new? Lower back. I swear some days it’s like a flip of a coin.
I’m in my late 20s and scared, now.
If it makes you feel any better, everyone goes through it. haha
To top it all off, I found my first grey today, too.
I don’t know if it’s even possible anymore (heck it’s hard for me at 40), but try to put something in retirement funds. If your work as a 401k, try and contribute. If you leave the job, your money can then go to an IRA. How do you do that? Beats me - I have five or six requirement accounts, each topping out at around between $2-5k.
Also, brush your teeth and if you grind them in your sleep - get a dentist to fit you for a mouth guard.
Edit: wow, down votes for teeth health.
Edit edit: reading comprehension isn’t my strong suite.
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I’ve “rolled” a couple 401ks into a Vanguard account. Just set up a Vanguard traditional IRA (or Fidelity is good too) and follow their instructions. In both my cases my old 401k admin sent me a check and I forwarded it to Vanguard within a certain time frame. If you don’t know what fund to choose just pick “Vanguard Target Retirement XX” for whatever year you turn retirement age (Fidelity has equivalents).
The reason I say Vanguard or Fidelity is because they have rock bottom fees and also they are huge so they’ve worked this out with basically everyone.
Fidelity is good, but Vanguard has lower fees. Stick in all in their S&P 500 index.
It’s because you fucked up the assignment. Under 30 give advice, over 30 receive advice.
He fucked up by revealing his age?
I mean, even without straight up saying his age, the advice is boomer-coded. I’m not even saying it’s bad advice. But it’s not relevant to the title of the post.
We’ll my reading comprehension is quite shitty in the morning. Carry on with the down votes.
