My daughter is 5 now. She’s discovered the joy of telling jokes. Unfortunately, her repertoire is painfully small. I’ve also realised most of my jokes are either not age appropriate or too situational.
What are best/worst kids jokes? Extra points for any that would make her teacher groan. Apparently she LOVES jokes. 😁
Two nuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
My kiddo loved that around her age.
That does not sound very age appropriate
What’s inappropriate about a salted nut?
It’s offensive to people with hypernatremia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypernatremia
Hypernatremia is a high concentration of sodium in the blood for people who nut often.
Symptoms include weak knees, sore arms, and a salty taste in the mouth.
I don’t get it
Nuts often are salted. A salted, assaulted.
lmao
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Cause his mommy got stuck in a jam.
Yes, let’s get the kid started with dark humor.
It was either that or a washing machine.
Has she discovered the use of puns yet? I would recommend those cheesy dad-joke books and the joke pages from copies of Reader’s Digest.
She’s discovered the concept, along with jokes, she doesn’t quite “get” them yet. She gets the basic idea, but not the subtleties that make them work. The results are cute, but horrifically bad.
How about elephant jokes? There are so many of those.
Have you done banana banana banana orange yet? Can be retold many ways by kids who didn’t quite get the pun, like “grape you glad I’m not a banana.” Hilarious every time, when you’re the 5 year old.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? “Fsssssh” (only works if you say it out loud, and they know how to spell)
The start of one of my favourites, that fell completely flat.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What big brown and sticky? A big stick.
What brown and hurt if it fall on you from a tree? A piano.
Que flat confused look.
5 years olds can be a tough crowd.
Gonna jump in here so you teach your kid right:
Cue, pronounced “Q,” is the spelling for "time to go on stage or say your line " or in this case, “time to look confused.”
Qué is pronounced “K” and is basically Spanish for what, although “por qué?” is “Why?”
I know that because of the old joke about the lady crying at her husband’s coffin “Por qué, por qué?” And the coffin opened and said “Butter.” But the reference is too old.
Anyway Queue is the last one, it’s English English, pronounced “Q” and means people standing in a line, just as all the silent letters are.
I thought queue came from French
Originally, yes.
But in present usage Americans say “line” while Brits say “queue.”
I’m not sure about other Anglophone places.
There’s a few spellings I apparently have blind spot for. That is definitely one of them.
I feel like a rambly long-form joke like this could really land: https://youtu.be/AXtNUgEWgQI
What is blue but doesn’t weigh very much? Light blue
So this cowboy puppy comes in here and says: I’m lookin for the man who shot my paw
While I like this one. Unfortunately, I suspect it will get a blank, confused look. We’ve managed to almost completely avoid guns etc.
Q: What do you call a large amphibious mammal with a huge mouth, large teeth, fat body and goes around swearing at passers-by?
A: Hippopottymouth
Where does the King keep his armies? In his sleevies!
Wanna hear my favorite knock knock joke? Great!
You start…
Knock knock
Who’s there?
The Spanish Inquisition!
Oh! Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you.
One joke that both my kids loved at that age goes as follows:
There’s this farmer who sits with his dog on a horse-drawn cart. Suddenly, the horse turns its head and says “Beautiful weather, boss!”. Obviously, the farmer is stunned. Then the dog nudges him and says: “Huh that’s funny. That horse just talked.”.
I’ll definitely be teaching this one to her. Even if only to see how badly she garbles telling it back!
do you have any holes in your socks?
no?
how’d you get your feet in there?
*adult looks accusingly at the kid*
*kid stares at his feet in cosmic bewilderment*
What has five toes and is not your foot?
My foot!
That one should definitely get a groan out of her teacher!
From: plutopiaworld
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
Did you know that the US government keeps and provides access to a database of dad jokes on fatherhood.gov, one joke at a time?
You could also snag this full dad jokes database from kaggle which contains over 13k dad jokes.
Hope you both enjoy!
Leave it up to lemmy to provide the link for government approved dad jokes…
Liberals… always going back to the governments teet.
I like make my own jokes homegrown on the range using, cough, tax-subsidised water…
Ty
