I am of the age to have kids, some of my friends have them, but I have mixed feelings about it, just wondering about other people’s experiences.
I do not have kids. I fiercely disprove of the idea of havnig kids without having a person to have those kids with.
I finally met somebody I would probably have them with.
But shes already past menopause, so it’s not going to happen.
And that’s cool, we’re DINKY-ing it out.
Never liked kids, never liked the idea of having kids. I have a miniscule noise tolerance, and being around them for just a few hours completely exhausts my social batteries.
After meeting my nieces I need a full day to recover, so I wouldn’t expose myself to the same thing at home on a near constant basis, plus I love the freedom to be as spontaneous as I want to be.
Got sterilized in my 20s, now I’m in my 40s. Zero regrets, best decision of my life.
I’m a woman, and absolutely not. This world isn’t going to be viable or have any positives for non-rich-as-fuck people, and I certainly can’t give that to a baby. There isn’t any more point to procreate - humans made sure of it.
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Those are both among the main arguments I have against having any.
As to the latter, I’m roughly satisfied in the department of things that kids would preclude.
As to the former, that’s part of the reason I want kids. I care about the people who will live in the future. I want a better life for them.
I can do what I can to improve the world in my life, but someone needs to carry the torch. Kids are an opportunity to teach some subset of the future population my values. I want to learn from my parents’ mistakes and my own life to make better kids that become better parents, who make better kids who become better parents, so on and so forth ad infinitum.
The intro to Idiocracy can be generalized: the world will be populated by the children of those who have children. If only the worst people reproduce, the future will be worse. Unless the ethical people reproduce and pass on their values, those values will die out. If we want the future to be better, we have to have kids, teach them to be better, and teach them to teach their kids to be better.
As for the travel argument, kids are so much fun to travel with! Experiencing new places through a child’s eyes!? They ask some great questions, and you get to hone in your own opinions as you decide the best way to explain life to them. Travel is the best way to raise tolerant and knowledgeable children. If you’re concerned about more… hedonistic travel just realize that you only get 18 to 20 years with them in your daily life, those designations will still be there. If you’re afraid that’s a long time then you likely haven’t had your 20th high school reunion yet.
I’m sterile so I couldn’t even if I wanted to. Which I don’t. My country is in a piss-poor state right now and my hypothetical child would be raised in suffering and poverty.
The paradox is that poor and suffering countries often have higher birth rates.
No kids and will not have kids. I have nieces and nephews that I enjoy spending time with and they satisfy any desire I might have. I have an uncle and aunt that are 85 and don’t look a day over 65. They never had kids and are some of the happiest and healthiest people I know.
I have a young kid and about to have another one. I’m very happy with them. It’s like I’m rising a puppy that can talk. I have a job flexible wfh work. So, I can take care of them with my partner.
The only downside are that I have a very small window of personal time, and I can’t take too much financial risk as I used to, which is a good thing.
I think the decision making process behind having a kid is similar to the process when we decided to have a dog. You shouldn’t have a dog just because someone push a pressure on you or something.
I have to daughters, and my personal experience has been overwhelmingly positive.
By that I do NOT mean that it’s convenient - it absolutely is not. It’s stressful, and all hedonistic pleasures go down the drain for a period of time. But they give my life meaning in a way few other things can.
We wanted kids, tried to have kids, but things never seemed to work out. So I went to see my doctor and they ran some tests. First test we found I had no sperm, so they did more tests, turns out I barely have any testosterone at all, but absolutely tons of estrogen. More tests, this time a genetic one. Turns out I have kleinfelter syndrome, which if caught early enough there are things that can be done. But at my age that boat has long since sailed.
It’s been an interesting couple of years. I started TRT injections at the beginning of the year. And my life has taken a complete 180, turns out you really need testosterone for alot of things. And your body reacts kinda funny without it.
Adoption seems our only choice, but she doesn’t want a kid if it’s not hers. So… Yea
Well the main thing it did to me was give me crippling depression. No one over the course of my life could ever figure out why I was depressed. “It runs in the family” was the excuse. My depression disappeared after the first injection. Everyday of my life I felt like there was a force pushing down on me, and then shortly after my shot it went away and it took me awhile to realize it was gone. That was a good day.
I couldn’t lose weight no matter what I did, spent thousands on personal training over the years but I could never gain muscle, or lose the weight I gained. I was a 58 waist in Feb, and I’m currently down to 44 in not even a year. Last time I went to the big and tall store they said they’ve seen me enough this year and we switched to elastic waist pants and a stretch belt so I don’t keep having to buy clothes every 3 months.
I never had any body hair. I would have to shave once a week before. I have hair everywhere now and it’s weird.
Lots of other things, zero libido. I was dating my wife and she got exasperated about my disinterest in sex, it was a chore for me. I’d be the one coming up with excuses not to have sex.
I have one kid. Don’t really want a second one. No fucking regrets he’s a swell dude, he’s smart as fuck and has a gentle heart that just warms my soul. Also thanks to modern schooling he’s got some amazing psychological skills like identifying his and others’ emotions, processing them before reacting, etc… Coming from a stupid family that’s shit i learned to do in my 30s and he was already working on it at 3. That’s stuff he won’t need to power through with weed and alcohol in his 20s i guess.
Sure the world is considerably more shit now than it was when he was born, which is dumb because he’s only 6. But hey the world was shit before and every time period brings its own brand of anxiety and uncertainty. With kids you learn to take things day by day and not dwell so much on what you don’t control. You have to accept the universe on its own terms, that’s the whole point of psychological and philosophical integration after all.
This.
Has anyone close to you told you that you should have kids?
There’s definitely some talk on my wife’s side of the family, since her extended family has tons of kids, so they just expect anyone who gets married to have kids. We just tune it out. It also helps that we moved away so they can’t really bother much. My side doesn’t really care, or at least doesn’t care enough to ask or talk about it.
No.
No.
And also, no.
Long before I was diagnosed as being autistic and having ADHD, I knew that I would be a shitty parent. I’m often wrapped up in my own world and busy doing my own thing, and that doesn’t work very well for relationships, and considerably less well for raising a child.
I have cats, I have a spouse. That’s enough.
I have one. It’s awesome. But don’t do it if you’re not absolutely sure you want it.
Early 30s and no.
- the world has enough people
- I have no interest in giving up my comforts for another being right now
- I never asked to be here and I hate that I am most of the time so why would I force that on another being
- if I ever change my mind and am in a good enough spot economically I will just adopt. imo if I can’t afford to adopt then I can’t afford a child and I’m fine with that.
- I’m stoked about being the weird/cool auntie, parenthood would take that away from me
I’m not even sure if I want to live. Forcing existence on someone else seems a cruel thing to do.
That’s fair.
