It’s the reverse; I have to constantly remind myself to treat me like I treat others. I despise myself and have great empathy for others, self empathy might be the foundation of empathy towards others for you, but that’s certainly not universal
I think it is more complicated than this. I agree with you to a certain extent. Maybe it is mild autism or something but my sense of internal perceptive judgement is about like an extra internal entity compared to how most people seem to perceive the world. I do not see myself as an exceptional case or prioritize myself within the framework of self perceived justice. I ultimately care more about that justice than about myself as a person and I will act against my best interests to do what I perceive as right. Within this pseudo entity there isn’t consideration for how anyone feels, especially myself. There is right, wrong, and nothing else. I do not care about the emotions at all in that space.
So when you say “treat others as you want to be treated,” that falls into the scope of this pseudo entity and it just seems super silly to say. Like, of course I will treat you exactly the same as I treat myself, but I will not be emotionally caring or aware as that has nothing to do with objective right and wrong.
To me, emotions are a separate thing, and an area where I have far less depth. My empathy comes from my own hardships and insights projected onto others and a desire to be a positive overall influence on those I interact with. I cannot fix other people, I can only fix me, so I want to be the change I want to see in the world. I want to do right by you. I want to be supportive when I have none. I want you to be happier than me. I do this not out of reciprocal self interest, but out of a distaste for a harsh and cruel world where the only variable within my control is me. I only worry about the things I can change.
The golden rule does not work. What if I like to be treated like shit? What if I like physical abuse because it gets me off? Does that mean I should treat others this way?
Lots of folks replying don’t seem believe in self empathy.
That makes me sad.
Self empathy is the foundation of empathy toward others.
The golden rule - treat others as I want to be treated - only really became effective, for my friends, after I learned to treat myself well.
It’s the reverse; I have to constantly remind myself to treat me like I treat others. I despise myself and have great empathy for others, self empathy might be the foundation of empathy towards others for you, but that’s certainly not universal
I do, as well.
I said that to myself before, as well.
But I discovered my empathy for others became surprisingly more effective after I started an intentional practice of self-empathy.
Certainly. This is what worked for me, and my relationships.
I think it is more complicated than this. I agree with you to a certain extent. Maybe it is mild autism or something but my sense of internal perceptive judgement is about like an extra internal entity compared to how most people seem to perceive the world. I do not see myself as an exceptional case or prioritize myself within the framework of self perceived justice. I ultimately care more about that justice than about myself as a person and I will act against my best interests to do what I perceive as right. Within this pseudo entity there isn’t consideration for how anyone feels, especially myself. There is right, wrong, and nothing else. I do not care about the emotions at all in that space.
So when you say “treat others as you want to be treated,” that falls into the scope of this pseudo entity and it just seems super silly to say. Like, of course I will treat you exactly the same as I treat myself, but I will not be emotionally caring or aware as that has nothing to do with objective right and wrong.
To me, emotions are a separate thing, and an area where I have far less depth. My empathy comes from my own hardships and insights projected onto others and a desire to be a positive overall influence on those I interact with. I cannot fix other people, I can only fix me, so I want to be the change I want to see in the world. I want to do right by you. I want to be supportive when I have none. I want you to be happier than me. I do this not out of reciprocal self interest, but out of a distaste for a harsh and cruel world where the only variable within my control is me. I only worry about the things I can change.
Well said. Particularly
I want to respond (with agreement) to:
Treat others as they ask to be treated is much better.
But I do believe that both benefit from an intentional practice of self-empathy.
The golden rule does not work. What if I like to be treated like shit? What if I like physical abuse because it gets me off? Does that mean I should treat others this way?
Agreed. But it is a good default place to we start.
The real skill is empathy - to understand how the other person wants to be treated.
My empathy for others became much more effective after I started practicing empathy for myself.
It was a bit eye opening, to me, to realize how much impact a practice of self-empathy made in my relationships.